Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Awaken Your Inner Wisdom

Country of the Month

Maternal Death Inspires Movement

This May marks the 10 Year Anniversary of the release of our Award Winning Documentary Orgasmic Birth: The Best-Kept Secret.  It is such an honor to see our film growing and showing around the world as it continues to inspire conversations about the power and pleasure that is available with a natural childbirth.  Orgasmic Birth gives viewers an intimate look at home birth and birth in hospital and how our choices of where and with whom we give birth impacts MotherBaby health and wellbeing. Our film pulls back the curtain on the intimacy, love and sexuality of birth – how birthing with love provides the perfect cocktail of hormones to flow for a safe and gentle birth.

Orgasmic Birth has been translated into Spanish, German, French, Portuguese, Russian, Italian, Polish, Czech, Hebrew, Slovenian, Hungarian, Bulgarian and now in March 2018 into Japanese!

I am always moved when someone wants to translate our film and bring Orgasmic Birth to their own country and community.  Each language and country brings it’s unique Her-Story of birth and current culture of birth, denying or embracing pleasure and the sexuality of childbirth as well as a growing reliance of technology vs. respectful, high touch care only using technology as we use a lifeguard – when needed.

I was so moved when Ryoko contacted me about translating Orgasmic Birth into Japanese.  I put her in touch with my amazing Japanese friend, doula, nurse and organizer of the first birth doula workshops in Japan – Kiyoe.  Before long they were translating and wondering how Orgasmic Birth would find its path in Japan.

Japanese Birth Art

Along came, Eita Segawa, the organizer of the event. He shared his journey to activism as a response to his friends accident years ago, which resulted in partial paralysis, many moments of inspiration, her birth and sadly her maternal death which Eita believes was preventable as so many are. His sadness over her death led him to activism as an artist and birth advocate. His own partner having a medicalized birth with their first child, and then two unassisted home births. Eita went on to create birth cafés around Japan for families to visit and feel safe sharing their birth stories. I’ve been saying for years that parents need such a place to share the transformational, powerful, and transitional moments of birth and parenthood. Eita plans to continue screening Orgasmic Birth all over Japan, and I’m excited to hear more feedback!

Read more about the first Orgasmic Birth screening in Japan and the movement that still continues to spread wordwide.

Have you seen Orgasmic Birth? If not you can watch it now for digital rental or purchase in English, Spanish, French, German or Portuguese!

Family Friends, Food, Wine, Passion and Fun!

debra-and-jimi-italyWe sailed into Portofino, Italy early one morning, just a short distance from France where we had spent the last few days. From the moment I stepped on shore, there is a completely different feeling – it must be my Italian blood as there is a different energy, a familiarity to me. I am ready for pasta, Italian music, and I can’t wait to eat our first Italian lunch in Santa Margherita.  Two days later we arrive in Rome, a place I have been fortunate to have visited many times before. I have so many stories from Roma from what seems like a lifetime ago – I had been a flight attendant or back then we were called “stewardesses” or “air hostesses”, and I would fly to Rome often and would spend a few days a week there. Since then, I have visited Roma to speak about doulas at the Ministry of Health, visited on my honeymoon, and even to spent a few days with a dear friend of mine, Father Peter who gave me a private tour of the Vatican and amazing art/history lessons around the city…a story for another day 🙂 

I love walking thru Rome’s piazza’s at night -Piazza Navona, Pantheon, and Trevi Fountain are my favorite nighttime walks in Rome but for me, nothing compares to heading south of Naples to Agerola and the Amalfi Cost to where my great-grandmother is from. As I have shared in other blogs, I work hard to find a balance between passion, work, pleasure and rest.  It’s not always easy but I can be sure that each year when I head to Agerola and the Amalfi coast my heart, belly, and soul will be filled with enough to take home memories of pleasure for months to come.  

italy-sunsetWinding up the mountain from Napoli the views begin to lift my whole being higher.  Coming thru the tunnel and seeing the sign of welcome to Agerola I truly feel I have come home, back to another time when life was simpler (which has some great advantages and it’s difficulties too). Soon we are pulling into the driveway of my family – Graziella and Agostino’s home with Nonna Maria, Nonno Antonio and their daughter Angela too.  What great hugs, smiles, kisses and soon the food..ahhh…Graziella is the best cook in the world! (I really mean that and can’t wait for her cookbook to be ready to share with you as I know you will love her recipes as much as I do!)

Although a year had passed I felt as If I never left.  After some concern over Nonna’s health as she needs surgery on a duct from her gall bladder and is not feeling well and also looking very yellow, we give her our love and prayers that the operation will happen soon and say good bye till tomorrow and head down the other side of the mountain. Agerola is called little Switzerland as it is  located at the  peak of the Amalfi coast looking down to the Bay of Naples on one side and the Mediterranean on the other- with spectacular views and a cozy mountain life of cows giving fresh milk in the morning – made into the best mozzarella and ricotta cheese by 9 am you have ever tasted!

scooters-italy Efesio our friend and trusted driver in this region takes us to our Villa with spectacular views of Positano and glistening sunsets.  It is wonderful to be with our friends from NJ and CA as I get to give them a tour of my favorite things to do on the Amalfi coast which includes walking thru the magical Valley of the Fairies – my favorite walk in all of the world – which goes thru a small rainforest with spectacular waterfalls, Roman ruins, lemon groves and down into the Town of Amalfi for the best lemon cream!  We also spent time walking around Positano -Priano where my great-grandfather was born, had a picnic at Pipo that Angela prepared for us with one of the amazing views in Agerola, and an incredible family dinner.  We also rented scooters and drove together along the Amalfi Coast, which is one of the best ways to take in all the sights, sounds and smells on these windy roads overlooking the Mediterranean sea.  The days are full and I savor every moment, every hug and every taste.  

italy-familyThe time goes by too quickly and l say each time one of these years I need to come and spend several months in Italy and learn Italian.  I know I am still a few years from this, but I do vision that one day I will make it happen! In the meantime, I will be in Italy again next year and hope to teach a workshop…if you’d like to join me, sign up to receive details as they become available. 

What is your favorite Italian food that fills you with pleasure? What about your favorite place in Italy?

Share you favorite Italian tweet or share mine – “Mangia bene e ama la vita! Eat well love life”

How to Find Provider Cesarean Delivery Rates

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    How do you find out provider cesarean delivery rates? We have a new resource we want to share with you below. We are excited about this resource because in our experience we have found resources are limited for comparing provider rates. During the first week of our online Childbirth Course, Pleasurable Birth Essentials, we encourage participants to research their providers by asking, “How do you know you’re getting good care?” and offer resources, but in the future we hope to offer even more comprehensive resources.

    Let’s look at what is available to pregnant women regarding their provider cesarean rates. For a subscription fee, one can check Consumer Reports and one can also check the CDC as well as one’s home state Department of Health, but without a PhD it takes some time to find and compare the numbers. Since cesarean rates vary so greatly – at a low with the World Health Organization recommending no more than a 10-15%, to states in the U.S. such as New Jersey and Louisiana, reaching the mid 30% range, it is important to know your provider’s rate. We are often put in the position of asking our providers directly using such prompts as found in Choices in Childbirth’s Questions to Ask Your Care Provider.

    Screen Shot 2015-12-16 at 1.28.02 PMA new resource that is available is Amino and they source their data from insurance claims, explaining on their website, “Every time you visit a doctor, an electronic insurance claim record is created to help your provider request payment from your insurance. These records contain a lot of useful information, including facts on the doctor, treatment, and costs. Billions of records like these are created annually as hundreds of millions of people get care.”

    Their blog, “The story behind C-sections in America: A state-by-state analysis and a new C-section predictor for pregnant women” provides an interactive map that shares some “statistics related to C- sections along with a predictor tool that reveals C-section rates by doctor.” To find provider rates, start at the homepage and proceed from there. Check it out and let us know what you think. Will you be using Amino?

    What resources do you currently suggest to clients who want to know more about their provider rates?

    We hope to discuss with you and other readers, so please leave your comments below, for birthkeepers and expectant mothers to see.

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    Nikia Debates Breastmilk vs Coconut Water

    Submitted by Nikia Lawson

    DSCF7333Recently I attended the Eat Pray Doula, DONA approved Birth Doula Training in Ubud, Bali facilitated by Katherine Bramhall, Debra Pascali-Bonaro, and Robin Lim. This week-long training included birth doula education, postpartum care, childbirth education and breastfeeding support. The skills to become an effective birth doula were definitely the goal of the training, but what I was not prepared for was the adventure of sisterhood and connection that would happen in merely a week.

    This trip to Bail, Indonesia was filled with “firsts”: my 1st international flight, my 1st time using a passport, my 1st time walking through a “monkey forest” and my 1st time being on a global stage talking about the benefits of breast milk! Yes, the latter was a 1st for me and I have had many opportunities to share the benefits of breast milk in various settings.

    Nikia spirit festOn March 22 several of the EPD birth keepers and I attended the 7th Annual Bali Spirit festival. When we arrived, we settled in to watch the local entertainers.  When they finished performing, the crew began setting up for the next performers. To pass time, the MC came to the on stage and began to share some “interesting facts.” He began his chatter with a statement about kids and parents and eye color….interesting, but nothing mind-blowing. Then the gavel landed and he stated his fact that coconut water had the same ingredients as breast milk minus one thing….breast milk contained magnesium!  I gasped! The other birth keepers gasped! We immediately went into a frenzy telling everyone around us that that was not accurate information that that there is absolutely no comparison of breast milk and coconut water in terms of beneficial properties to a baby’s needs and development!

    DSCF7407I quickly ran toward the stage and engaged him in a dialogue about how making a statement, as a fact, could have grave ramifications on the efforts to get indigenous women to breastfeed. If women feel that breast milk and coconut water are equivalents, then they may feel no NEED to BREASTFEED! They could simply contend with coconut water, which is in abundance in Bali. Also, I shared two (2) KEY/ESSENTIAL ingredients that are in breast milk that could NEVER be in coconut water. We exchanged some relevant conversation and he asked me if I would like to grace the stage and share the FACTS about breast milk that I had so enlightened him on.

    After that exchange, I was introduced and I ran on the stage to share my knowledge about breast milk. Here are the 2 life-changing ingredients that I shared with him that urged him to take the stage and admit to the crowd, “I have been schooled by my friend Nikia…. and I stand corrected!”

    DSCF7359First, breast milk contains antibodies. Any foreign object that has ever been in mom’s blood stream OR any bacteria or virus that she’s ever been exposed to, her blood and plasma cells created antibodies to neutralize them. Thus, those antibodies are present in breast milk and colostrum. Babies that get mother’s milk, get their 1st immunization to help build a healthy immune system and strengthen their sensitive little digestive systems with enzymes and antibodies to fight infection and bacteria. Second, breast milk contains human stems cells. These stem cells are life-saving; and, can possibly repair damaged, little organs due to the replication of the stem cells to build tissue and new cells. Human embryonic stem cells are very widely studied for their limitless regenerative properties and the ability to have specialized function in the new cells they produce.

    Well, since coconuts are not human and do not have a blood stream, these are 2 very distinct and useful properties (not to mention that there are hundreds of other ingredients with benefits in breast milk that have yet to be identified) contained in breast milk that can never be in coconut water.

    I finished my enlightenment opportunity with a lively chant: THE BREAST IS BEST! THE BREAST IS BEST! Empower the women in your life to breastfeed, because coconut water just won’t do it!

    Learn how you can join the magic in Bali for Doula or Advanced Birthworker Workshop at Eat Pray Doula!

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    Biography: Nikia Lawson is the owner/operator of Birth Blessings Professional Birth and Doula Services, owner/Project Director of The Natural Way Birthing Project ~ Ft. Worth, and managing partner of Tarrant County Doula Associates. Nikia’s goal is to empower women to know that they are divinely designed to give birth; to learn to trust their bodies and listen to their inner spirit as they embark on their birth journey.

    Nikia is a DONA birth doula, a 2010 DONA International Doula of Color Fellow and a DONA International approved, birth doula trainer and is an experienced childbirth educator and has taught classes for various community groups and hospitals since 2007. Nikia hopes to return to school complete her post graduate studies in Naturopathy and open her own maternity home for pregnant women.

    Learn how you can join the magic in Bali at Eat Pray Doula!

    Heart Led to MotherBaby Sanctuary

    As a spiritual person, I feel been blessed to learn and experience so many different religious practices and am always moved by the opportunity to pray, meditate and feel the divine around and within us all and honor the traditions that each culture has created to honor their own connection to divinity and love. Here is one recent experience that I want to share with you.

    OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe Path of the Gods from Agerola to Positano is world famous for its views and inspiration but even with all I had read, I was not prepared for the experience that it provided me, (and my husband Jimi, my cousin Graziella, and her daughter Angela). We began our walk high in the mountains of Agerola with the clouds swirling around us. The fog provided a gentle breeze that felt good and cool as I knew the bright hot sun would soon be upon us. The cliffs of Agerola are unique- the views beyond anything words can describe and the smells of the wild mountain flowers, honey suckle, jasmine, lemons, rosemary, other herbs, and grapes are intoxicating. Every sense is stirred as you careful place your feet on rock pathways and stairs that date back to the 9th and 10th centuries. Homes built into the rock like caves that are still in use today, fill me with wonder as the only way to them is to walk these steep and narrow mule paths. We pass one beautiful well maintained home with a huge garden of sunflowers, vegetables, herbs and grapes to learn an 80 year old couples lives here. Three times a week they take the 30 – 45 minute walk up hill to get their supplies and other groceries. What a place to live, it feels like I am on top of the world, seeing further than I can ever see in the U.S, and where the sky meets the glistening Mediterranean Sea below, a feeling of infinity fills me as I can no longer see where one ends and the other begins the circle of sky, water and earth go on and on.

    I am reminded of the song I sang with Angelika and the doulas of Austria Round and round we dance, we hold each other’s hands, we weave our lives in an circle. Our love is strong and the dance goes on…. For some reason the circle of life felt so powerful to me here.

    We soon find a note that someone left to caution us for mating viper snakes ahead. Half way down we can see an old monastery on the side of the cliff, it looks like another canyon away, but in a short time winding down the trail we come to an archway and enter into the sacred gardens. The sun is glistening, birds are singing, the winds gentle breeze feels like a nice caress, calling us into silence and sacred space. Before us are two tables on a terrace overOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAlooking Priano below with blue table clothes and 4 chairs, as if someone was waiting for us to arrive, but we don’t see anyone. I feel like I have stumbled into another time, quietly we walk and see the door to the Monastery is open; we enter into the old section from 1436 with Fresco’s still visible on the wall. I immediately feel a sacred presence and we move deeper to hear the chanting of monks, could it be? On closer observation we see it is a cd player calling us into the main chapel that has been renovated. Here candles are lit, and incredible fresco’s and art bring me to tears. I am called to the one red pew to pray in front of what I later learn is the Madonna de Grazia, the Madonna of grace and gratitude and thankfulness. As I sit before her, the alter is full of MotherBaby images, the whole cathedral is full of MotherBaby images and the circle of women.

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    I see a picture of a monk carrying flowers and a scroll in one image and learn he is Saint Dominica the patron saint of Priano where my Great Grandfather was from. He is the patron Saint of Astronomers and Astronomy and if you could see the night sky here you would know why they choose him to preside over these mountains that meet the sea. The twinkle of the stars are so vivid you feel as if you can reach out and touch them. Agerola celebrates a night in August each year with the stars are falling/shooting from the sky so much the village sleeps atop the mountain to see them and a band plays as the sun rises to honor the sky, the moon, the mother earth and all the incredible wonders of nature. I can only imagine how special this would be to attend, but today I can feel my own wonder with what is before me. There are so many hidden secrets in this region that are just asking us to take the leap of faith and allow ourselves to experience them. I am truly overcome with energy, emotion and the reverence that I feel in this sacred space.

    I join my husband and cousins outside to have the lunch Graziella had prepared for us. Still no sign of anyone, but this entire Chapel, view and terrace just for us. We are offered the most beautiful lunch view. As we finish two other hikers come by, we learn from them that we had left the Path of the Gods and entered onto the Path to Priano- so without our knowledge we had been led to this sacred space. I walked between Agerola the village where my Great Grandmother, Angelina Milo was born and Graziella and my family still live, to the village my Great Grandfather, Louis Fusco was born in. In the middle I have been swept back in time to this sacred space with music, art, divinity and feminine grace and the wisdom of the Holy Mother fills me in a way I can’t explain and yet the feelings were so strong like nothing I have felt before. I am reminded how birth and life are one. When we trust our inner wisdom, when we allow ourselves to be guided by nature, to be lost in the music of our soul, this is a place that magic happens and in childbirth where we birth our babies and the part of ourselves that begins to understand the beauty and connection we have to nature as we are all one.

    I am so grateful that I found the Madonna De Grazia and she deepened my connection and daily attitude of gratitude continues to l lead me to amazing discoveries.

    OBirthEclassWEBLOGO+link

    Bring More Love (to birth)

    blooma-love-note-no-2-debra-pascali-bonaro-647x1019Ibu Robin Lim and Gentle Birth at Bumi Sehat Bali teach us how to Bring More Love to Birth #bringmorelove

    Imagine you are a young women, living in a one-room hut with dirt floors with 20 people, barely enough food to cut you hunger pains and not enough money to travel to access prenatal care. On the night your labor begin you get a ride on the back of scooter and arrive to a maternity birth center clinic Bumi Sehat that you heard of where midwives will care for you. You are greeted with a warm hug and someone looking in your eyes to say I love you!

    You enter your small cozy labor room and a tub is soon filled for you and flower petals sprinkled around you. When your baby’s head begin to emerge the midwife, her assistant, other midwives who are not busy enter and join the circle to sing the gayatri mantra, a sacred Balinese song to sing your baby into the world.

    Bali Flowers in Bath
    At Bumi Sehat, the birth tubs are filled with water & sprinkled with flower petals.

    Your placenta is greeted into a bowl and more flowers are placed around it so you can rest in bed with your baby skin to skin, and when you are ready be a part of the sacred cutting of the cord, of if you want you can have a lotus birth.

    Baby Naming Ceremony
    Ibu Robin Lim often asks groups of midwives in Indonesia to together say the following three words, I love you.

    This is the care Robin provides as every MotherBaby and family is greeted with love. With little resources she is rich with caring and has greatly lowered both maternal and infant mortality in Bali with her gentle midwifery knowledge, skills and love. Think of how we greet women in our hospitals today? How about women with no documented prenatal care?

    Imagine if every woman in childbirth was greeted the way Ibu Robin greets every women- with gentleness, love and understanding.

    It is this same type of care and love I believe we must also bring to the caregivers who don’t have the benefit of the midwifery training and knowledge you have on how to keep birth safe and low-risk. Many physicians, nurses and administrators are struggling now to find the way in our dysfunctional technocratic system. They too need your midwifery wisdom and care. We must show all caregivers that regardless of their training they can embrace a midwifery model of care. That together we can reclaim the her-story of birth with the wisdom and nurturing techniques that midwives have handed down through the ages.

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    Robin Lim often asks groups of midwives in Indonesia to together say three words, and I will ask you to say them, I love you.

    I love you….

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    How do you bring more love to birth? Please share with us.

    Visit Bali for the Eat Pray Doula Gentle Birth DONA Doula Workshop.

    Birth of Marjolein’s Baby Ben

    Marjolein Mensink is a Dutch Midwife who shared her background with us in a previous blog. Here she shares about the birth of her first son, Ben.

    Submitted by Marjolein Mensink

    IMG_0469At home? You must be crazy. Isn’t that dangerous? It’s your first right? What if something goes wrong? I’d rather be at a place where I could get immediate help. You are expecting a pretty large baby aren’t you?

    This is just a selection of all the comments I get being pregnant with my first baby and wanting a homebirth. The funniest (or maybe actually the saddest) was that of one of the gynecologists I work with, who asked if I also walk around town in my folklore costume, meaning that it is hopelessly old-fashioned to have a homebirth.

    But my experiences as a midwife at home as well as in the hospital make me a 100% certain: for me, our home is the best place to be when our baby will come. Not only because I trust that nothing will go wrong, and if something seems to be going wrong I would still be in a hospital soon enough. But also because I’m very afraid that just by being in a hospital in the first place, unnecessary interventions will happen. My wish is to have as least interventions possible. Drawing blood is exiting enough for me, let alone having an IV or other ‘scary’ things. My partner Jacco is totally fine with it, he is as relaxed and carefree as I am, almost a bit ‘naive’ maybe. ‘If you say so, then I guess it’s so.’ How great is that, he puts all his confidence in my concerning the birth of our baby.

    Obviously, my growing belly also gets the attention of the pregnant women and their partners I meet at work. I am surprised about how many people ask me if I’m not afraid of giving birth and especially the pain, since I see so many women in labor. My standard answer is that I am totally not afraid, because I always get to witness how strong women are. And it’s true: I’m not afraid of the pain and very curious on how a contraction will feel. To prepare for birth I do relaxation exercises, go to a yoga group for pregnant moms and listen to relaxing music every day.

    My best friend Maartje, who is also a midwife, will be there at the birth. We are both very looking forward to sharing this experience, especially since I was at the birth of her beautiful daughter Lena as well. When Lena was born I lived in the East of the Netherlands so was relatively close by Maartjes home. Since I moved to the West to live with Jacco it’s a two hour drive now, but since it’s our fist baby Maartje should be able to be there on time.

    My pregnancy goes well and I’m still enjoying every second of it. Also, being over 39 weeks pregnant, I do get very curious about the baby. We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet and I am looking forward to discover this when the baby is born. On the evening of November 20th there is no sign of the baby coming soon. Maartje and I are texting and talking about the weather. There is a thick fog in the whole country, daytime as well as at night. If the baby comes tonight, we’re not sure if it’s safe enough to drive my way. But I think I will be overdue anyway, so this shouldn’t be a problem.

    When I experience a cramping sensation that night, I think it’s just my intestines. My alarm clock tells me it’s 01.23 AM, and though I ‘m sleepy I’m smiling at the idea of ‘1,2,3 Go!’. I go back to bed but twenty minutes later I get the same cramp and a while after that another. I decide to go downstairs to not wake up Jacco. Because I can’t sleep anymore I put on a DVD of Glee. Normally I love watching Glee but this time I can’t concentrate. I’m on the bench, off the bench, walking around the room feeling restless. Just after 2 AM I realize that this is it! The contractions started! I’m very excited and start to wonder when the baby will be born? Lunchtime? Maybe around coffee time already? I get in the shower to relax and feel very happy and excited. The contractions are strong but I can breath through them without trouble. At 3 AM I wake Jacco: ‘Honey, I think the baby will come today.’ This gets him awake quickly and he jumps out of bed and asks if there’s anything he can do. He decides to time time the contractions, though I think it’s not necessary yet because I have the idea it’s a bit early since I just started having contractions. ‘They’re only one minute apart,’ he tells me, ‘Should we call Maartje?’  I don’t want to disturb her too early, but since it’s such a long drive maybe it’s wise to call her. We tell her I feel nauseous, have some bloody show and that the contractions just started, but that there are only short pauses between them and that I already feel some pressure down my pelvis. A look outside tells us that the thick fog didn’t miraculously disappear. To our great disappointment we have to decide that it’s too dangerous. Though disappointing, it does feel like the best choice to make. Maartje wishes all the best  and ensures us she’ll be sending all the positive energy in the world. When we hang up Jacco suggests we call the midwifery practice, but I want to wait. I don’t know these midwives very well and also I think we don’t need anyone else around yet. We can still manage this together perfectly. I have a feeling everything is going very quick but there’s also some doubt. Either it’s going very fast or it’s much tougher than I expected. To know which one it is I decide to feel  for myself what’s happening in my body. It’s unmistakable: I feel a tense balloon and only a soft lip in front. This is amazing! I am so happy it’s going so prosperous and am now even more confident about the birth (This is around 4 PM). Jacco prepares a bath and puts on the music I listened to so often. It’s great to be in the bath, though the contractions are getting more and more intense. It helps to make noise (something between bawling and singing). Jacco is a bit impressed by this I guess and tells me to stay calm. I actually do feel calm, but making these sounds just feels good. The advice of my yogateacher that it’s important to stay in contact with the baby comes up in my mind. I tell our baby that everything will be fine and that we are doing great together.

    The pressure I almost immediately felt when contractions started is suddenly building up fast. It is so strong that it’s hard to still stay calm. I am considering if we’ll call the midwife. What if we could do this together? The next contraction I’m still in doubt but after another very strong one with the urge to push I’m certain that Jacco should make the call. Now!

    At once I need more space and climb out off the bath. I try to do a contraction on all fours, because I think it might be comfortable but I don’t know how fast I should get on my feet again. Sitting on the toilet feels most comfortable, as far as the word comfortable is still in order here. I ask Jacco which midwife is on call. ‘I don’t know, but it was a man.’ There’s only one male midwife in the practice, so I know who’s on the way for our baby. Secretly I’m a bit frustrated that it’s precisely his shift tonight, because I think the word midwife isn’t like this for no reason. But I have no choice but to get over this soon. At this point the main thing on my mind is to get this over  with because I really don’t like these strong contractions anymore. A few minutes after our call to midwife Arie my water breaks. The pressure is very strong now so Jacco calls Arie again to hear if he’s still far away, but luckily he arrives soon after this second call. When he finds me still sitting on the toilet he asks me to get on the bed so he can examine me. I curtly answer that I don’t want this, that I know I am fully dilated and ready to push. It takes a while before I have the courage to get out off the bathroom. My plan was to push on the birthing stool, but when I walk over to the bedroom I suddenly find the idea of lying down better. When I get on the bed Arie announces again that he want to check me. I growl that this is really unnecessary, I KNOW I am more than ready to push. In Jacco’s eyes I see sympathy for Arie, it’s as if he’s telling me to just let the man do his work. Luckily there is no further discussion, because with the next contraction my body can’t do anything but push. Now I am at once afraid. I don’t know if I dare to give in, can I really do this? Jacco assures me that I can and I also try to tell myself. Just open up, let go! It takes a few contractions before I have the confidence to listen to my own advice and when I start to give in I feel that the baby’s head is getting deeper soon. When Arie tells me to stop pushing for a while I am really surprised, does this mean the head is almost born? It does! I have to give a good push for the shoulder to come and then suddenly, at 05.45 AM, the baby slides out.

    Wow. Did I do it? I did it! The baby is here. I am a mom. A mom!

    I love feeling this little warm and wet baby on my breast and spend minutes laughing and crying of happiness. My hands slide down to search for the answer on one of the biggest questions and find it soon: a boy! Our wonderful son. Our beautiful Ben Willem!

    Marjolein will join Debra for the en*theos Academy Conference Fall 2014. Easy enews sign up right here so you can be the first to read about Marjolein next birth.

    Introducing Dutch Midwife, Marjolein Mensink

    Submitted by Marjolein Mensink

    IMG_7862-Edit2Being a midwife was my childhood dream. Although I obviously didn’t really know what it meant when I was little, I was very certain about it. Sometimes I also thought shortly about being a hairdresser, flight attendant or even a veterinarian, but all these professions could never win over midwifery. When I was only seventeen years young, I got the chance to start my midwifery education. The Dutch education takes four years and in 2005 I graduated and felt really ready to go for it. Looking back, I think technically I was ready, but the comparison that a lot of people make with driving a car couldn’t be more true: you learn by doing and experiencing. The first few years I worked in independent midwifery practices, or as we call it in the Netherlands, the primary care practices. In 2008 I switched to the hospital. This was actually a coincidence, since  I was asked to replace a sick colleague. Working in a medical setting never attracted me, but I thought it was worth a try. It turns out  I loved it! It’s so nice to be part of a team instead of working alone most of the time. Also my idea that working in the hospital would mean having only superficial contact with the expectant mothers turned out to be totally wrong. A hospital birth often implies more interventions and sometimes that’s hard. But I am convinced that it’s more mother- and babyfriendly if these interventions are performed by someone who still trusts the natural process and works with her heart rather than someone who fully sets his hope on medication or advanced technical tools. Another great advantage of working in the hospital is that you can move on with the client in her process, even when something isn’t defined as physiological anymore, where as a primary caregiver you have to transfer.

    Over the past eight years I have learned so much. My midwifery skills grew, along with my midwifery heart. I realize now that doing ‘nothing’ is often as effective or even better than wanting to do something, even though doing nothing is hard since I work in a hospital now. I think the quality and great advantage of being a hospital midwife is to guard the natural process in a medicalized environment. Some interventions are necessary, but it’s important to not intervene too much. This can be challenging, not only because other professionals expect the use of protocols and medical tools, but also I notice that pregnant women and their partners are changing over time and becoming more expectantly and reliant of us as caregivers. I do my best to reinforce the women I meet and try to convince them to trust their bodies and babies. The Netherlands is well known for our obstetric care system, but unfortunately the system has been changing rapidly over the past decade. Numbers of interventions are growing, especially those for inductions and cesarean sections. Also the use of pain medication during birth is exploding. There is a counter-movement going on luckily and the group that does want to go back to more natural births is getting a stronger voice. But as always, there are a lot of politics and money involved, so it is very hard to get this voice heard. The media choose an unfortunate way of framing that scares the big mass. The messages a layman gets through the newspapers, magazines, internet and television are: ‘Home birth is dangerous’, ‘Too many babies die (because of our system)’ and ‘Being pregnant or giving birth is risky.’

    Besides my main job as a midwife I studied journalism and am now writing for several media that are mainly directed on pregnancy and childbirth. Writing to me is an amazing way to explore midwifery in a new and different way. Also, being a journalist helps me get a clearer view of what is happening in the media with the earlier mentioned framing. Sadly, seeing it is one thing, changing it is a whole other thingIn November  2011 another childhood dream came true. I gave birth to my beautiful, sweet and wise son Ben. Ben taught me things about myself that I didn’t see and know before. That it’s okay to be vulnerable, to admit that motherhood can be tough sometimes and also that it’s okay to therefore accept help from friends and family. Ben further opened my heart and being his mother makes me so proud. Seeing my partner Jacco as a father is amazing and heart filling. Last October another little man entered our lives, our second son Adam was born. All the clichés are true: there is enough space in your heart for another child as well.

    Having experienced two births myself made me realize even more than before that trust and confidence are so important in childbirth. I honestly think that entering the birthing process with a relaxed body and mind and without fear might be 50% of the whole ‘job’. I wish for all other women to be able to gain this trust, confidence and relaxation when they are pregnant. Not only for themselves, but especially for their babies.

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    Marjolein, Jacco, Ben-94Marjolein will join Debra for the en*theos Academy Conference Fall 2014. Easy enews sign up right here so you can be the first to read about the birth of Marjolein’s first baby.