Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Awaken Your Inner Wisdom

Blog

Interviews Questions for your OBGYN or Midwife

10 Questions to Ask your provider about birthDo you feel respected by your caregiver and that all of your questions are answered with care and compassion?  

Respectful care and informed decision-making are your RIGHTS.

Don’t let anyone put you down physically or emotionally in childbirth. Make sure you choose a birth team that honors and respects you! (read more)

Enjoy my 9 Additional Tips for Interviewing your provider – the person you choose to attend your birth has the greatest influence on your outcomes – even beyond your own body, can you believe that?

Pleasure is our right -birth can be every thing you wish it to be!

Read my 10 Tips for finding a supportive provider here.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts – tweet me @OrgasmicBirth

Pussy Power!

I always talk about the doulas role in creating Birth Ambiance,  so people feel safe, private and relaxed to open to the deepest parts of themselves.  

We must also create this at our workshops and retreats too. I love when we host doula retreats in places that have been built by birth keepers with the sacred energy and messages of birth all around.  Whether you are birthing a baby, or a dream or a new career as a doula – the energy around you – where you choose to learn can make a difference in how safe you feel to go deep into the space that birth calls us to enter. Elysia in Austria and Robin Lim’s Peace Kitchen for our Eat Pray Doula Retreats in Bali are two of my favorite places abroad, and of course my own special space in NJ. These spaces invite us all to connect to the generations of women before us, all those who are giving birth around the world, to face our challenges, to open to heal, to grow, to stretch and to bring more love and light into all the dark spaces and dance and sing our songs with pleasure and love.

Angelika invites us to connect with the Goddess within, surrounded and reminded of all the symbols of opening to the sacred feminine throughout her-story.  

Angelika’s red womb tent always is filled with beautiful images of the birth Goddesses and each year she has a new creative project to take us deeper into understanding the sacred feminine.  This year her project was even beyond, deeper, inside the power that is too often overlooked or hidden with shame – into the power of the PUSSY! I was so inspired by her crocheted Pussy I decided I had to read Mama Gena’s book by the same name. I had downloaded the book and the audio before I left and had not made time to begin, clearly Angelika and the universe was telling me the TIME IS NOW!

I love to walk each morning and so my morning ritual is to wake with the sun, do some morning yoga sun salutations and then set off to walk to a cafe and on the way listening to Mama Gena in her own voice share about Pussy!  I highly recommend her book and so much so as I am developing an in-person and online class for doulas and educators to prepare their students for a safe, satisfying and pleasurable birth experience. Pussy will be a prerequisite to read, journal and discuss as we must connect with, examine our beliefs, and heal our own connections to our sacred feminine power to teach and pass it on to others.

I gaze out the window and the hills are alive with the sound of music, it reminds me to be present.  The train provides such a rich opportunity to revel in the beauty all around me, above me, inside me and my gratitude blessings for this amazing opportunity to connect with doulas, the sacred feminine, honor the sacred masculine and revel in my new Pussy-Yes Yes Yes!  My parting gift from Angelika is my own crocheted Pussy – with a secret – you will have to wait to see our next blog and video to see what she gave me and why I am so thrilled and excited.

By now I will have arrived in Switzerland – to join Michele and the doulas and parents of Zurich, Switzerland. Michele has invited me to share 2 days with a mix of doulas, parents and midwives – together we will explore the magic of birth, the body, mind, spirit and sexuality of pregnancy, birth and beyond as well as the pleasure that is available to us in birth and life.   Trusting and opening to life as we we trust and open to birth takes us on many adventures and only when we trust that even in the tunnel we will come to the light can the magic unfold. The snow capped mountains glisten as the sun peaks thru the clouds and the next tunnel appears. What will lie ahead- for you and for me?

If you have read this far – please let me know-  comment below and let me know how and where you are?  What magic is happening in your life? Would like to join me in reading Pussy: A Reclamation by Regina Thomashauer “Mama Gena” and discussing?

A Life Changed

by Mary A. Whitlock , May 09, 2018

Have you ever lived through an experience that touched you so profoundly that it changed the course of your life?  

Well, last month I did when I had the privilege of interning at the impressive Healthy Mother Natural Birth Center in Hyderabad, India.

My Journey

My journey to the clinic began in the fall of last year when I was finalizing my plans for a long-anticipated trip to India. I had just completed my DONA Postpartum Doula training with the renowned teacher, Debra Pascali-Bonaro. I mentioned to her that I was going to India and she connected me with a network of birth workers there. I immediately contacted Dr. Vijaya Krishnan, a midwife and co-founder of Healthy Mother & Natural Birth Sanctum. Initially we met on Skype and I was instantly impressed by her wealth of knowledge and kind nature. In addition, because she is so passionate about her work, I was extremely excited to have the opportunity to learn from her and intern at her clinic in Hyderabad.

Healthy Mother Clinic is part of a network of clinics affiliated with the International MotherBaby Childbirth Organization whose global mission is “ to promote optimal MotherBaby maternity services.” Dr. Vijaya has done just that by creating a natural birthing sanctuary in the heart of one of India’s fastest growing tech capitals. I was blown away by the scope of her practice; the facilities alone provide a safe haven for expectant parents and their entire families to feel at ease and at home. The clinic houses four well equipped and comfortable birthing rooms as well as an around the clock emergency care facility which includes an operating room and NICU. The skillful and compassionate midwife led team consists of an arsenal of skilled nurses, obstetric, and pediatric doctors as well as physical therapists.  

Families at Healthy Mother are nurtured throughout the entire process, and this consistency and quality of care, community support and education is allowing them the opportunity to experience birth naturally. The birth journey at the clinic begins with preconception counseling and continues all the way through to 4th-trimester lactation support, physio, and infant checkups. Dr. Vijaya’s clinic is paving the way and setting standards of essential care for mothers and their families around the world.

Heartfelt, Life-Changing and Full of Questions

Although my experience at Healthy Mother was heartfelt and life-changing, it also left me with a lot of unanswered questions. Coming from a city like NY where we have access to so many modern luxuries targeted towards women, I began to ask myself why we don’t we have clinics like this. The loving support, attention, and respect that the Dr. Vijaya and her team provides families throughout the entire birth process is care that transcends different cultural traditions, and medical practices, it is human work at its core. Doesn’t everyone deserve the right to this kind of care?

Improving Maternal and Infant Health

There is still work to be done in the world to improve maternal and infant health. I hope that by sharing my story and the beautiful work that is being done in Hyderabad as well as through organizations and other affiliated clinics of the International Childbirth Initiative we can shed light on all the good that’s being done and create a ripple effect of positive change for a brighter future.

About Mary

Mary A Whitlock is an NYC based postpartum doula and a certified health & wellness coach. Born, raised, and living in New York City, Mary understands and embraces the overwhelming demands and stresses that city life puts on families. In 2017 she took massive action and left her position as Fashion Design Director to seize her purpose. She is inspired and passionate about providing families with the resources, empathetic support and nurturing to maintain a balanced life. Last fall,  Mary completed her DONA Postpartum Doula training with the renowned Debra Pascali-Bonaro, followed by an internship at Healthy Mother & Natural Birth Sanctum in Hyderabad, India. There she provided gentle birth and postpartum support to women under the guidance of Dr. Vijaya Krishnan and some of the leading midwives in the country. Mary is deeply grateful to all of her teachers and for the life experiences that have brought her to this very moment. www.maryawhitlock.com

We are so excited to welcome Mary to our Orgasmic Birth Team Family! Mary is a bright light and we can’t wait to see all the incredible difference she will continue to make in this world.

Interested in Becoming a Doula?

Join Debra for one of her upcoming workshops

 

Birthwork Called Me

Hi! I’m Rivka, and I took a recent training with Debra Pascali Bonaro as my first step to becoming a certified doula!

I made the decision to go into birthwork because it was impossible to ignore its call. Birth kept creeping up in everything I would do, people would discuss their childbirth and labor with me, asking advice, and in one instance I was actually present at my friends labor and birth. I now understand that we need to empower women to use their power as they birth the next generation, and we as doulas need to be empowered to be there for them.

This training has truly empowered me to empower women as they go through this life-changing journey from womanhood to motherhood. I learnt about the circle of women that was always present in childbirth and I am moved to be part of it, to bring this back into this world. I understand that in this dance between mother and child, we 

need to give women the space to birth their children in serenity, peace, and privacy.

While I am now a trained doula, I know the path to becoming a certified and eventually experienced will take the shape of a birth story: exhilarating, unexpected and a journey that will bring out strengths that I never knew I possessed. I look forward to serving the women in my community and beyond and to sharing those stories and experiences with you all.

Should I become a doula?

by Ariel de Roche

Ever have a song stuck in your head?

And that one line keeps repeating over, and over….and over again.

And no matter how hard you try fight it, it seems like your inner DJ has a glitch.

Well sometimes fear can feel like that, a repeating song of doubt, whispering, “Are you sure you this is the right thing to do?”

This is how I felt leading up to my doula training, questioning if I should give up, although I knew in my heart that this was the right step but that doubt song in my head just wouldn’t quit.

Then I arrived at the door of my first birth doula training, took a deep breath, and opened the door…and it was the one of best decision I have made so far!

Who knew that the 20+ women in that room would become my personal doulas? Providing support, easing my doubt, reassuring that I wasn’t alone in how I was feeling. We laughed and cried as we shared our stories and personal journeys – no two stories exactly the same, but each woven with an invisible thread that connected us all together.

Talk about oxytocin overload!

That day the recurring song of doubt transformed into a song of empowerment! I was reminded of the power of women, the power of community and that simply holding a hand makes a world of difference. 

So now anytime that song of doubt pops up, I will think back to these moments, turn up the volume of my favorite Beyonce song, and lean into that next step. Look out world, another group of amazing doulas are here to change the world, one step at a time!

Ariel de Roche is a DONA-trained birth doula based in New York City. Growing up in a large tight-knit family, she has always been surrounded with pregnant bellies and tiny humans which has greatly informed her profound passion for sexual and reproductive health research, and advocacy. Through birthwork, she seeks to continue to empower and encourage all women, in all ways.

 

 

Turn your doubt into empowerment and  join the circle of doulas at an Upcoming Doula Workshop

Reflections on Eat Pray Doula

Each year I am so grateful to be back in Bali for Eat Pray Doula.  From the moment I leave the airport in Denpasar, Bali and beginning to see and feel the Balinese people and their wonderful culture I become more mindful as I breathe, relax and connect in new and deeper way to nature, life and birth.  

The doulas arrive to Eat Pray Doula as strangers and leave as life long friends.  It is such a gift to facilitate this deep connection on an island that is known for its healing, connection and peace.  As doulas we read the Eat Pray Doula manifesto discussing the respect and acceptance we will offer one another, lifting each other higher, healing and listening.  It’s magical to watch as women form friendship and connections from around the world- sharing different cultures, customs and beliefs as well as life’s challenges and joys honoring both the light and dark aspects in each of us and supporting each other to learn and grow.

This year the energy of Bali expanded our hearts even wider and I smile as I see the best doula skills unfold- loving, accepting and supporting each other as our Eat Pray Doula Circle grows and grows.

The air in Bali is warm, inviting us to slow down- to swim – to drink lots of green and delicious fruit juices and coconut water – I can feel the layers peel off as we cleanse inside and out.  Layers shed and our hearts open wide. There is a deep feeling of peace, a magical calling of nature, wind, water, air and fire, and a strong connection to the past and the future supporting us  to vision and dream, to heal and to honor the ancient wisdom within. Bali is truly the best place to explore birth and the sacred gateway of life.

I enjoy of special circle of teachers- wonderfully wise women who share not only about birth – but how to live a joy filled life. Each of us are living proof of how to navigate life’s hurdles with grace, love and laughter.  We sing, dance, laugh, cry, listen and are grateful for every day together.

I am often asked why Eat Pray Doula – there are so many reasons that I hope you will consider if you are beginning your path as a doula, or in need of some extra nourishment and depth to your experience.

Read my 6 reasons why Eat Pray Doula is a special retreat like no other.  

Maternal Death Inspires Movement

This May marks the 10 Year Anniversary of the release of our Award Winning Documentary Orgasmic Birth: The Best-Kept Secret.  It is such an honor to see our film growing and showing around the world as it continues to inspire conversations about the power and pleasure that is available with a natural childbirth.  Orgasmic Birth gives viewers an intimate look at home birth and birth in hospital and how our choices of where and with whom we give birth impacts MotherBaby health and wellbeing. Our film pulls back the curtain on the intimacy, love and sexuality of birth – how birthing with love provides the perfect cocktail of hormones to flow for a safe and gentle birth.

Orgasmic Birth has been translated into Spanish, German, French, Portuguese, Russian, Italian, Polish, Czech, Hebrew, Slovenian, Hungarian, Bulgarian and now in March 2018 into Japanese!

I am always moved when someone wants to translate our film and bring Orgasmic Birth to their own country and community.  Each language and country brings it’s unique Her-Story of birth and current culture of birth, denying or embracing pleasure and the sexuality of childbirth as well as a growing reliance of technology vs. respectful, high touch care only using technology as we use a lifeguard – when needed.

I was so moved when Ryoko contacted me about translating Orgasmic Birth into Japanese.  I put her in touch with my amazing Japanese friend, doula, nurse and organizer of the first birth doula workshops in Japan – Kiyoe.  Before long they were translating and wondering how Orgasmic Birth would find its path in Japan.

Japanese Birth Art

Along came, Eita Segawa, the organizer of the event. He shared his journey to activism as a response to his friends accident years ago, which resulted in partial paralysis, many moments of inspiration, her birth and sadly her maternal death which Eita believes was preventable as so many are. His sadness over her death led him to activism as an artist and birth advocate. His own partner having a medicalized birth with their first child, and then two unassisted home births. Eita went on to create birth cafés around Japan for families to visit and feel safe sharing their birth stories. I’ve been saying for years that parents need such a place to share the transformational, powerful, and transitional moments of birth and parenthood. Eita plans to continue screening Orgasmic Birth all over Japan, and I’m excited to hear more feedback!

Read more about the first Orgasmic Birth screening in Japan and the movement that still continues to spread wordwide.

Have you seen Orgasmic Birth? If not you can watch it now for digital rental or purchase in English, Spanish, French, German or Portuguese!

How I choose pleasure

I wake each morning with an attitude of gratitude and in even the stormiest of days I find peace.

I am often asked how I do that, find light even in the darkness.

One of the quotes I love on this is from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

​​​​​​​“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

It is a conscious choice to bring light, peace and love to life and birth.

I chose peace and love when any fear or challenge appears. ​​​​​​​

To do this I first honor the feelings, look for the lessons I can take from it about myself and the world, and then I ask what fears are “False Evidence Appearing Real” -(FEAR) and which are fears I should address and use my coping skills / self care tool kit to find my peace and shine my light.

False Evidence Appearing Real -Orgasmic BirthI believe this is true for birth too, as birth has become more technological and industrialized we have stripped away the many ways we find peace, pleasure, love and bliss that are every person’s birth right!

This has left us with growing fear of childbirth. Many birth fears are false evidence appearing real – and many are from a broken maternity system that has lost its own connection to respect, love, joy and the miracle of birth and leaves too many people put down emotionally and physically.

I hope you will enjoy more about pleasure and pain in childbirth on my recent Orgasmic Birth blog and share your thoughts about the growing fear in Childbirth and how you can be Positively Prepared for Birth!

How childbirth is managed often increases fear and puts MotherBaby at risk - create pleasure instead of fear!” @orgasmicbirthClick To Tweet

I am thinking of you as together we shine our light and share our love as the world and childbirth need more peace, love and light.