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We Pray for Children by Ina Hughes (poem)

We Pray for Children poem by Ina Hughes is part of Jill Wodnick’s Social Determinants on Birth article published on this site.

We pray for children
Who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
Who like to be tickled,
Who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
Who sneak Popsicles before supper,
Who erase holes in math workbooks,
Who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
Who can’t bound down the street in new sneakers,
Who never “counted potatoes,”
Who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead in,
Who never go to the circus,
Who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
Who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
Who sleep with the cat and bury goldfish,
Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
Who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
Who slurp their soup.

And we pray for those
Who never get dessert,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
Who can’t find any bread to steal,
Who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
Whose monsters are real.

We pray for children
Who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
Who like ghost stories,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed,
Who get visits from the tooth fairy,
Who don’t like to be kissed in front of the car pool,
Who squirm in church and scream on the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who are never spoiled by anyone,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children
Who want to be carried
And for those who must,
For those we never give up on
And for those who never get a second chance,
For those we smother.
And for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind
enough to offer it.

We pray for children. Amen.

In the Name of Love, Get-up & Dance!

“When you bring consciousness to anything, things begin to shift.”

— Eve Ensler

Where Will you be on V- day 2013? I will be part of the flash mob at large mall in my region. Rising up and dancing, standing with one billion strong around the world against violence against women. Speak out, and speak out so that women’s rights everyday and during childbirth are respected. Where ever you are, please join in; dance, sing, take 5 minutes of silence to send your thoughts, blessings and intentions, as together we make a difference.

Let’s all join together to dance for girls and women on February 14th, 2013, V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, join one billion women and those who love them to walk out, DANCE, RISE UP, AND DEMAND an end to this violence. One Billion Rising is a promise that we will rise up with women and men worldwide to say, “Enough! The violence ends now.”

These are no ordinary times, many circumstances we thought would never change are changing, the ground is shifting. As birth workers we know that we make a difference one birth at a time. I am humbled to think of the energy that will be created on V-Day when we are dancing in 168 countries for love, respect, dignity and peace for all women and girls.

Response to: Silence, Denial, Abuse on Maternity Wards

Submitted by: Heather Hancock RN RM PhD FRCNA FACM MAPS

The following is the letter Heather wrote in response to an article that appeared on Canadian Maternity List which, at the time, was focused: Silence, Denial- abuse on maternity wards. The discussion originated from a confidential listserve of providers talking about the issues (so we cannot reprint) but much of the discussion came from Henci Goer’s “Cruelty in Maternity Wards” article http://ow.ly/hkAay

* * *

I am also a voice from down under who joined the list as a midwife and in March I will be starting private practice as a Perinatal Psychologist – and will still be a midwife.

I have had innumerable midwives and midwifery students tell me that they will be seeing me as soon as I start as they have felt marginalised, ostracised, intimidated, battered and badly hurt because of how they have been treated in their practice or because of the dreadful things they have seen women experience – and this is the 21st century………..

I have seen women over the last 12 months of supervised practice who have been left feeling empty, shattered, violated and far worse because of their experiences and not just because of undesirable or adverse birth outcomes. Too many of them experienced births that were deemed a safe outcome for mother and baby, even a normal birth, but within that the mother’s psychological status was not even recognised let alone considered because of competing/conflicting interests between health professionals, outright bullying towards them, aggression and anger, and more……….

My mantra has become —— A safe birth is not enough ——- it is not sufficient to say the baby and mother were ‘saved’, when in reality they will both suffer as the mother is unable to form an attachment to her baby and they can both fall into deep sadness and loss – it is distressing to see. Women carry the burden of their labour and birth for their lives and it will either continue to weigh them down and debilitate them or it can be a joyful affirming memory for them.

Midwifery students are the future of the profession and to see them worn down before they even commence professional practice is a tragedy and often their ‘sin’ is simply being woman centred; midwives who advocate with women and are likewise woman centred pay a heavy price for this as well and they too often are not able to recover from this and suffer for the rest of their lives with a burden of emotional and physical pain.

I have also had medical students share their shock at what they have seen and experienced in the maternity care arena and vow to keep well out of it as professionals.

This is not new – what is wrong with us?

I have avoided naming who did what to whom – the experience inflictions are shared between groups. There are also wonderful midwives and obstetricians in maternity care but sadly not all are wonderful. I have thought about this for so long and considered the possible power of local and national efforts and also been involved in interprofessional teaching between midwifery and medical students but it has not ever been enough.

I think it is time for concerted genuine international address so that the same shared message is disseminated and the same shared strategies are activated globally – it is not good enough for women to be part of this and we can never say births are safe while this continues around and to them.

Sorry for the length – it obviously struck a cord and I thank you for reading this and hopefully thinking about this.

* * *

BIOGRAPHY Heather Hancock RN RM PhD FRCNA FACM MAPS is a midwife and psychologist (specialising in perinatal psychology). Heather has had significant involvement in midwifery research and education including development and coordination of Bachelor and Master of Midwifery programs, and continues to practice as a midwife. Heather has developed home birth and midwifery group practice models of care, worked as a midwife in public urban, rural, regional and remote settings, private settings and women’s homes and conducted evaluations of models of practice. Heather has worked with Aboriginal women and their families in evaluating perinatal health and wellbeing, developing quality indicators for maternity services for Aboriginal women and improving access to continuity of midwifery carer for Aboriginal women in remote communities. Heather has been recognised with Teaching Excellence awards and also been Midwife of the Year; she is a Fellow of the Australian College of Midwives (ACM) and the Chair of the ACM Midwifery Education Advisory Committee. Currently, Heather is an Adjunct Associate Professor at the University of Adelaide and is involved in various national and international journals as a reviewer. Heather is also an Accreditation Assessor for Nursing, Nurse Practitioner and Midwifery with the Australian Nursing and Midwifery Accreditation Council. Heather is a Mentor Researcher for the Rural Research Capacity Building Program (NSW Institute of Rural Clinical Services and Teaching). Heather is co-author with Lareen Newman of Better Birth which has been revised and is being re-released in May 2013 as an ebook.

Turning birth experience into expression

Story submitted by: Krissy Shields

Have you seen Krissy Shields’ humorous short film Overdue about you guessed it- being “overdue”! In this story the expectant parents desire a natural birth but are approaching their due date and their provider wants to induce soon after. The Overdue film takes place on the final day and the parents are trying anything to avoid induction! Here is the birthstory behind the film. Thanks Krissy!

Krissy at home — Sweet photo from birth of 2nd child, that took place at home.

Submitted by: Krissy Shields

This was my first pregnancy. My first precious experience that I wanted everything to go perfectly. On my due date, my baby was carrying really high and I couldn’t imagine spontaneously going into labor in the next 5 days (the time limit for birthing in the birthing center). I also knew I wanted nothing to do with inductions.

By the time we inquired about changing our due date, they wouldn’t even consider it because of hospital rules or State law or insurance… So on my due date I got proactive, I got my “labor inducing” pedicure, spicy Korean food and some acupuncture. Nice and relaxed. Nothing was happening. At all. I mean, nothing. I continued trying to be cool and calm but I was freaking out by the day. Each passing day adding a new technique to move labor along. At about 5 days after my due date I went in for my “non-stress test” which is silly. It is anything but NOT stressful. I tried to convince the nurse that it was my irregular cycle that my date couldn’t possibly be correct. She kind of laughed and said, if you fail one of these tests you will be shipped up to labor and delivery now. Five days post date? We thankfully passed. I am not sure how because I have never been more stressed. My once calm attitude was moving into neurotic behavior by the day. Why? Because I was feeling the pressure of induction daily.

My freak out turned into action. Education is key. So, we googled. We googled “how to induce naturally”. Then, we asked around. And we tried everything. I mean, everything. Exactly two weeks after our due date, my midwife said you must come in to the hospital for induction. It is NY state law, she said. So, reluctantly, I went, after trying to convince her that I had plans tomorrow. She said, yes you have plans, you are having a baby.

I got there at midnight, after exhausting all possible ideas for a natural induction. They gave us cervadil, which is a synthetic inducer that is tampon like that softens the cervix. After 12 hours it was taken out and I was told to wait for 2 hours before the dreaded pitocin was to be administered. At this point I was furious. I stormed the halls and literally was about to leave when my best friend showed up. We sat (I bounced) telling stories and laughing our heads off. It happened. I started feeling these cramps and continued laughing, talking and bouncing. My boyfriend got word from my doula to calculate the times and length so we had a system for about 45 mins before my midwife came in and said lets start pitocin. Thankfully my team was there and said that I had started labor and didn’t need pitocin. My midwife said lets monitor this and that’s when it happened… I thought, I thought, imagine you are in labor. Imagine so hard that it happens. About 4 hours later our baby girl was born. Our instincts were correct…our conception date was wrong.

It took me a long time to forgive my midwife. I felt robbed. I felt no one was listening to me. After a few years and a successful home birth I bumped into her on the street. I had a moment of true resentment towards her but decided to talk to her. There was a reason why I chose her. I told her about my birth (she remembered almost nothing) and how it sparked an idea in my boyfriend to make a short film. We laughed and I explained my story. My anger was lifted as I knew she was just following protocol. It doesn’t mean I have to agree with it or like it but for me I was finally able to let it go. Laughter has a way of doing that.

For your free digital download of Krissy’s film please click here and look for Overdue at bottom of page.

Writing it down

I love this quote from Wayne Dyer: “You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life.”

I also love this quote from Latham Thomas’ Mama Glow that reads: “Along with clearing out your life, detoxing, and setting intentions, you will now begin a process of “soul scribing”—also known as journaling—… You’ll record your dreams, goals and intentions. “ I love the term “soul scribing” as we go into the New Year, releasing thoughts, habits and actions that no longer serve us and create the life we desire.

The beginning of the year is the ideal period to give birth to new projects and ways. I am soul-scribing about about focusing energy on my new website, webinars, and e-series to serve you and create optimal MotherBaby Models of Maternity care around the world. I once read that if you write it down, you are more successful at making it happen. Join me in writing a Letter of Intention, to “soul scribing” your vision for 2013 and how you will make it happen. Please share- what are you intentions for the year ahead?

Why We Need To Do Something

Dear Friends,

Join me in my quest to protect mothers and babies all over the world. Sign up for our mailing list, attend one of our workshops, read our HRiC blog, or write an article about what you are doing to protect mothers and babies.

I am honored to have Chaired the International MotherBaby Childbirth Organization since 2006, working together with everyone at IMBCI to raise awareness and educate communities about achieving optimal MotherBaby maternity care, including the IMBCI step #1: treat each woman with respect & dignity. My work at IMBCI, a human rights, evidence-to-action initiative is the foundation for much of my other work and commitments. Last year I attended the Human Rights in Childbirth Conference that took place at the Hague University of Applied Sciences, the Hague, the Netherlands and served on the Advisory Committee for Respectful Care of the White Ribbon Alliance. This May I will be traveling to Malaysia to speak on the Respectful Care panel at the big Women Deliver Conference. Next year I hope to help promote Human Rights in India and spend time at the IMBCI demonstration site there.

“Do Something” here on this site is how we address what needs work in the world of birth and what can do to change it. I look forward to “doing something” with you!

Love,

Debra

Sweden: Warmth at the Birth House

Submitted by: Bodil Frey & Debra Pascali-Bonaro

January 2013 Debra Pascali-Bonaro facilitated a Pleasurable Birth Workshop in Sweden with Bodil Frey, a doula, educator and Gothenburg host, Thea van Tuyl, a doula, educator, and rebozo expert from the Netherlands.

Bodil Frey, workshop host and head of Födelsehuset starts off by sharing with us about birth in Sweden, “Sweden has a good reputation when it comes to birth care and very few babies die around the time of birth. Sweden ranks in the top of that statistic and also has very low numbers of maternal death. The medical system likes to take the credit for this but we also have, of course, a good social security net and Sweden is a wealthy country without major gaps between rich and poor.

“Some of the good things in Swedish maternity care: the care is free for everyone; in pregnancy you go to prenatal care where you often meet the same midwife every time; you do normally not meet a doctor during this time, except perhaps at the ultrasound scan; first time mothers and their partners can go to a free birth preparation class with a midwife; at birth in the hospital you also meet only midwives if there is no complication or epidural.

“Some of the not-so-good things in Swedish maternity care: we lack options; there are no alternatives to hospital birth in most parts of Sweden; in some places there are homebirth midwives, but with some exception we pay privately for their service; planned homebirth is only one per thousand births in Sweden; there are no birth centers; no one can expect to give birth in the hospital with a midwife they know before. (One exception would be the Crown Princess Victoria who gave birth this year with a midwife she had met before!). Even though the midwives handle normal births, the system is getting more and more medicalized. Ceasareans are 17% and steadily rising. And the fears around birth increase- both for the women and for the medical staff.”

The association Bodil founded is Födelsehuset, a cozy home with a kitchen, office and two rooms for us to create a red tent of sharing over a two-day weekend. January in Sweden is cold, a layers of fresh white snow gives light and brightens the cold, gray days, which have more darkness then light this time of year. The warmth inside this space, generated by the pellet stove, feels so good and soon the warmth and light in each of us opens up and shines throughout the room.

Födelsehuset was founded in 2007 in Gothenburg. Bodil writes, “The name means ”The Birth House” and is a vision of one house– help and support around the woman and baby. Instead of a conveyor belt passing through different institutions and always new faces. We were inspired of the ”Geburtshaus” in Germany. Födelsehuset was founded by parents, doulas and midwifes who wanted to speak up for a better birth care and more options. The logo shows how the newborn heart and the mother heart are protected by the house.

“Since four years Födelsehuset also has funding from the county, to provide doula care for new immigrant women who are pregnant. We have now 27 doulas who themselves have an immigrant background. Their mother tongue are Arabic, Somali, Persian, Kurd, Turkish, Serbocroatian and many more languages. The doulas speak Swedish and can help with the communication between the woman and the medical caregivers. More than 400 women have had a doula during the past years and they are very welcome by the midwives. We also arrange birth preparation classes in some languages, and have started a ”Mother Center”, staffed by doulas, in an area where many immigrants live.

“We also collect information, arrange prenatal classes, lectures and workshops such as Debra’s 2-day Advanced Birth Support for Doulas and Midwives Workshop held here this weekend with Debra and Thea. Thea van Tuyl shared with us her beautiful Guatemalan Rebozos and many techniques to provide comfort in labor from her book – The Rebozo Technique Unfolded. A weekend like this is more than learning skills and getting information. For example, when we practice on one another how to use the rebozo we get just the same things we want to give to our clients- trust, a deep contact, healing, relaxation.”

Rebozo crop — “When we practice on one another how to use the rebozo we get just the same things we want to give to our clients- trust, a deep contact, healing, relaxation.” – Bodil Frey

Debra loves to weave in exercise of listening, non-verbal communication and if appropriate touch, hugs and caring embraces to her workshops. Debra writes, “During labor there are many hours that we are together in silence, where no words are needed. Yet our connection and support remains strong. On the last day, Sunday morning, I can feel it is time for our group to look into each other eyes and go deeper into what it is to unconditionally nurture each other and thus others on their journey from maidenhood to motherhood. Without words our eyes, body and touch says so much. Even more than normal words of greeting. We have gone deeper, letting another to connect with us and to answer back with our eyes that we are here for you. Just as we greet a newborn, welcoming them with our eyes, our touch, our hearts open wide and then words of acknowledgement. Tears flow, hearts open as we feel our connections, oxytocin sparkles in our brains and body as without words so much is said and expressed between us.

“All over the world when women gather to speak of birth, our life-challenges and successes pour into the conversation, tears of joy and of sadness flow easily. Our collective experience, wisdom and diversity is amazing. Our group represents four countries: Sweden, Netherlands, South Africa and the U.S.- sixteen women and one man. It is powerful to give another our unconditional love and acceptance. I ask each person to share his or her vision for birth with another. What can we each do to make a difference in how women, men and babies are cared for and greeted in our community, country or world?”

Please share with us what you hope to bring to the birth community in your future. Födelsehuset has plans to participate in the Human Rights in Childbirth Conference and Exhibition in Stockholm in the end of the year and Debra looks forward to sharing more workshops with Bodil and other birth workers in Sweden later this year, as well as other workshops around the world.

Thank you to Bodil Frey for sharing with us about birth in Sweden. Bodil is the chair of the association Födelsehuset, and a Doula and Childbirth educator. She is also the leader of the immigrant doula project. She can be contacted at: bodil.frey [AT] enbrastart.se.

To read more about the Immigrant Doula Project visit: http://fodelsehuset.se/doulakulturtolk and at the bottom-left of the page you can download two articles in English about the organization including: “Midwives’ experiences of doula support for immigrant women in Sweden” and “Foreign-Born Women’s Experiences of Community-Based Doulas in Sweden.”

“Beautiful Girl” Dr. Northrup’s self-image book for girls launches

Your body is perfect just the way it is! Treat it with gentle care and embrace the changes as you grow! Are these the messages you received as a child? Whether you are a mother trying to share positive body image with your daughter or a grown woman looking to improve the image you have of yourself, Dr. Northrup & Kristina Tracy’s “Beautiful Girl: Celebrating the Wonders of Your Body” is sure to delight and inspire.

Personally I love these type of books and whenever I start reading them to my daughter she loves hearing the stories and affirmations. It would be nice to think we say all the right things all the time but in reality, it is wonderful to have a little help from one of the most amazing teachers of women’s health and wellness: Dr. Christiane Northrup! And Kristina Tracy has co-authored some other great books so we can’t wait to read this one.

So hop on down to Hay House or B&N or Amazon and pick up your copy so we can all start sharing Dr. Northrup’s message. And be sure to take advantage of the freebie currently being offered (until January 23rd) from Hay House Radio- purchase a copy of Beautiful Girl and you’ll automatically be enrolled for Dr. Northrup’s upcoming 2-hour Live Online Event happening January 24th, Feeling Beautiful geared towards grown women who wish to transform their relationship with their body. And if you can’t make the online event, they will email you an mp3 that you can listen to anytime. If you order from HayHouse.com, the Free Online Course will automatically be added to your cart during checkout. If you order from another retailer, please click here to provide Hay House with your order # and they will email you with a priority code to use to receive the course for Free. Enjoy!

“When Dr. Northrup’s 86-year-old mother Edna read Beautiful Girl the first time, she was visibly moved. Edna told Dr. Northrup that she wished she had a book like Beautiful Girl when she was little.”

“The inspiring and knowledgeable author, Christiane Northrup, who is well known for her education and support of women facing life changes, takes it to the next level by including young women of all ages in her target audience. She shares that young women have special bodies to be cherished and honored and gently opens the door to discussion of physical and mental growth. The graphics are gentle and totally appropriate in a fairy tale sort of way adding abundantly to the story. I received this e-book from Hay House and recommend it to any parent who will soon be engaging in `the talk’.” ~ Jeanie Beresford NTP (Amazon review)