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Debra Pascali-Bonaro

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natural birth

Childbirth: A Memory of a Lifetime or Not?


(Including Penny Simkin’s new video)

Have you thought about what you want to take with you from your birth into the rest of your life? What birth story do you want to tell your children and grandchildren? Have you wondered how you can create Pleasurable Birth Memories? How to find and hold your power?

I was recently reflecting on my life and of course that includes my births- being born, giving birth and the many births I have been blessed and honored to attend. Having a birthday and celebrating another year provides a wonderful opportunity to be grateful for all of life’s experience, connections and lessons as well as time to ponder what elements create lasting positive, pleasurable memories, especially when it comes to childbirth – my life’s passion.

naomi2I first learned about the importance of a woman’s  birth memory from a special mentor to me and co-founder of DONA International, Penny Simkin. I encourage all birth workers to reach Penny’s classic article, “Just another day in a woman’s life? Women’s long-term perceptions of their first birth experience” a study which analyzed the long-term impact of the birth experience on a group of 20 women. “Women reported that their memories were vivid and deeply felt. Those with highest long-term satisfaction ratings thought that they accomplished something important, that they were in control, and that the birth experience contributed to their self-confidence and self-esteem. They had positive memories of their caregivers words and actions. These positive associations were not reported among women with lower satisfaction ratings.”

“I think because of what I experienced in the delivery room I felt powerless. I felt what I said really didn’t make an impact and didn’t make a difference.” – Mother quoted in Penny Simkin report

My grand-elder may not remember what she had for breakfast the day before but she will likely remember the words that were spoken to her and how she felt about her birth experience. This is no wonder since birth is a time when we are open, raw, exposed and vulnerable – open to possibilities. We are open to ecstatic moments between surges and also vulnerable to an edgy presence in our birthspace or the ice-cold touch of a hand on our belly. It can work both ways!

For too long we have felt birth was a day to get thru, we didn’t care how the baby came out. It’s one day in a woman’s life but as Penny Simkin, and others have shown us, our birth memory is impacted by how we were treated- if we were respected, if we received love and support, and at what level, if we had continuous companionship, if we were honored and consulted with choices and decision-making (informed consent and informed refusal). Together these factors create either a positive memory that will empower a mother, give her strength and power in all her life, or sadly, and too often today, when many of these elements are missing our maternity care system, disempowers women, leaving new mothers with an emotional scar. The emotional scar will provide a map to the deepest parts of the mother who knows that something was not right, that a day that should have been joyful, blissful and, yes, orgasmic, has turned sad, stressful and, for a growing number of women, traumatic. This is unacceptable!

“The birth probably increased my self-confidence, although it’s not something I perceived at the time. It was definitely something major that I had done. In some ways it was probably a watershed, because it was one of the big things in life, and it happened to me in a very positive manner, in a manner that made me condiment that I could do it again, that I could do it- period.” – Mother quoted in Penny Simkin report

Birth is a day that can and should be transformative, powerful and blissful- creating an orgasmic feeling full of emotion and joy. Your birth memory will last a lifetime and plays a role in how you feel about being a mother, about your relationships and we now know can alter your self esteem to bring you more power and strength in all your life, or to take away and leave you feeling less than capable at mothering and future challenges.

 

So what creates a lasting positive powerful birth memory? Read my Key Essentials for Creating a Powerful Birth Memory for some ideas to get you started. You deserve to give birth with love, dignity and pleasure, creating a powerful memory that you will savor all your life!


Additional Sources: Mannava P1, Durrant K2, Fisher J3, Chersich M4,5, Luchters S, Global Health. 2015 Aug 15;11(1):36. doi: 10.1186/s2992-015-0117-9., Attitudes and behaviours of maternal health care providers in interactions with clients: a systematic review.

Srivastava et al. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth (2015) 15:97 DOI 10.1186/s12884- Determinants of women’s satisfaction with maternal health care: a review of literature from developing countries.

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My Birth Journey – to the Bathroom and Back

This birth story is submitted by Milena Dyankova who shared her personal birth story with us after organizing a screening of Orgasmic Birth in Bulgaria in 2014.

My Birth Journey – to the Bathroom and Back

About a month before my due date I could finally take the long expected leave and finally focus on birth preparation. After a few extremely busy months I wanted to do yoga and other exercises to get tuned to and fit for birth as much as I could for the short period I had. Since this was my second birth I thought I had the knowledge I needed from my previous experience (what I call a mainstream hospital birth). And here I was the second night on my leave browsing through the Internet to find exercises I would like when I came across the idea of gentle birth. From one click to another a whole new world opened to me. I could not go to sleep until the early morning hours soaking information and stories on the idea of out-of-hospital birth. And it clicked with me. Strongly.

P2P_image 09My mind brought memories from six years earlier when I had read a story about a homebirth in the Eastern European country we were living in that had stunned me with the beauty, the calmness, the strength I had felt from the woman’s words. Now I was reading similar stories that had only recently taken place in my native Bulgaria. That gave me great courage – I thought if people in Bulgaria that was lagging behind on many areas were already doing it so could I.

The next thing I needed was to equip myself with the right reliable sources of knowledge and support. I didn’t need tons of information; I just needed something reliable and inspiring. And my research led me to Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, a book by Ina May Gaskin and Orgasmic Birth, a film by Debra Pascali-Bonaro. Ina May’s Guide gave to my husband and me a good understanding of birth physiology and the factors that inhibit or stimulate it. It convinced me that my body was perfectly capable of doing what it needed to birth a baby without artificial stimuli (no induction, thank you very much). The Orgasmic Birth film was truly transformative – not only labor and birth were a natural event but it was not meant to be an ordeal, something to put up with to have your baby. On the contrary I saw they were an important journey that could take a woman to a high, even give pleasure, and most of all give her a chance to experience her own power. So I “planned” for an orgasmic birth.

To me it was very important labor to begin when the baby was ready. My first baby was born after induction when two weeks past due date (defined without consideration for the length of my cycle and the conception date that I still remember to this day) I was no longer able to stand up to grandparents’ pressure. And even though I realized how lucky my baby and I had been to have had those two weeks, I was very sensitive to the topic, and it seemed to me the last couple of weeks everyone was calling to ask when I was going to give birth. The daily visits to the doctor’s office were the most troubling. My husband and I had decided we would keep the arrangement with the doctor who was very favorable to women’s active role in labor and birth. Yet, as due date passed he insisted on daily fetal monitoring as this was the protocol. Five days past due date he wanted us to do the monitoring at the hospital and I agreed to a vaginal check. It was rough.

In the late afternoon my palms started to itch and in the evening the mucus plug fell. I thought the reason was the harsh check and felt upset with the doctor for intervening, yet I decided to let this feeling go and enjoy the evening. Around midnight I woke up with quite intolerable itching on the palms and soles that was feeling better by touching cold surface. I found relief placing my hands and feet on different spots of a leather armchair and soon drifted off. In the morning the itching was gone. It was a weird phenomenon that I had not experienced before and I could not find any reasonable explanation.

It was Saturday. The day passed leisurely yet the cold weather prevented us from a much desired walk to refresh my mind so late afternoon we went shopping for the guests we were expecting the following day. Throughout the evening the memory of the previous night was recurring and I appreciated the itching gone so I could get a good sleep. Or so I thought…

At 1:30 AM I woke up with a feeling I had only taken a light nap as I remembered moving my palms and feet looking for a cold place on the bed linen in my sleep. I felt the itching pretty strong so I headed for the leather armchair to find the cure from the previous night. My husband also got up and went to arrange something in the bathroom but I urged him to go back to sleep as he had also stayed awake the night before.

This time the coldness of the leather did not bring the same effect. I also started to feel menstrual cramps and I became quite restless in the armchair. Soon it dawned on me – the time had come. I knew I had hours ahead and it was better to rest and gather energy so I went back to bed. Yet, pretty soon I found myself up again trying to find comfort on the birth ball. It didn’t work either. The bath tub seemed quite alluring at that point and with desperate hope to finally find my place I woke up my husband and asked him to fill it up. As he took to fulfilling my request I sensed the peace of mind one feels when the imminent and long expected is finally happening. Joy was there, too, as I was finally having the baby when he was ready to come. It was March 8th, Mothers’ Day in Bulgaria.

The contractions became more frequent and stronger. I immersed in the water and my whole body relaxed as I sensed this was my place, my zone. Suddenly the light was too much and I asked my husband to dim it. He took a seat next to the tub and held my hand. Every now and then he was handing me a bottle with water. I started to drift away in my own world, my own dimension. I was aware of all that was happening to and around me, yet I was in my own distant space where I could surrender to the sensations and enjoy the deep gratitude for actually experiencing labor in its pure power.

When contractions came my body changed its posture and arched, and I was diving somewhere deep while some strong alt sounds were emerging from within my womb. Later my husband called them moose mooing. The sensations were very strong and although my work with the Sedona Method had clearly shown me that ‘pain’ was only a label we attach to a group of sensations, it was difficult to deal with the ones I was experiencing. I tried the welcoming and allowing techniques that had done a great job for me many times, yet I could not keep my focus on anything. I was riding strong waves and the mental efforts somehow made the pain tougher. Contractions were becoming more and more intense and doubt crept into me “Oh, my Goodness, am I able to do this?”

  • I can’t. I cannot do it, – a wail escaped my lips.
  • Yes, you can, – a comforting voice came across and when I looked up I met a warming smile.

Around 2:30 AM our daughter appeared in the bathroom, sat down next to the tub and started asking questions. I made an effort to respond, yet speaking was beyond my power. My answer was concise and I left it to her father to explain. However speech was disturbing and soon I asked for quiet. She stayed for a while, then went back to bed.

My husband was providing great support. Every now and then he would hand me over the water bottle reminding me to drink. I would take a couple of sips motivated by discipline rather than thirst. Soon I felt and urge to throw up. As if strictly following “the rules” my body started to cleanse itself. Although I was still in the tub with the original water, I was not feeling cold. After a few efforts my stomach was empty of its content and the urge to throw up disappeared as suddenly as it came.

Some time later I felt my face muscles contracting making my lips form an “O” and I realized this had accompanied orgasms sometimes. A slight regret crept in my mind, and then I smiled. As much as it was possible. Even though I was not having the orgasmic birth in the way I had envisaged it, my body was producing a similar reaction.

Each contraction was making my body arch and bringing some mooing sounds from deep inside. The pauses were short. I felt compelled to get out of the bathtub so I went out, put on a shirt and found my place of comfort on the toilet. My husband sat down on a small chair in front of me and held my hands. That was of great help as if him holding tightly my hands gave me additional strength. I felt his presence so comforting and solid, exactly what I needed to keep my focus on my job knowing there is someone there for me to take care of everything else.

Contractions intensified further and I started having bowel movements – apparently my body needed to cleanse some more. I was looking forward to the “rest and be thankful” phase so that I could take a little break, contractions were becoming stronger and stronger straining my whole body. And while I was thinking I’d finally found a way to ride the waves they started to grow into something different. The end of each contraction turned into a burning sensation that I could bear only screaming. The screams were tearing from my throat and I was thinking about the neighbors (we were living in a 6-storey building and the bathrooms underneath and above us had windows to a common space). Our daughter was sleeping in a distant room and the noise would not reach her. I was screaming at the end of the contractions squeezing my husband’s hands. He kept reminding me to drink yet I was already oblivious to the world around me.

“These are pushes,” a lightning thought cut through my mind. But there was supposed to be a break. “Where is my break?” I grunted in my mind in a miniscule pause between contractions. A few minutes later an impulse made me get up from the toilet and take all-fours position on the bathroom floor. While kneeling down my water broke. My husband asked what was going on and I responded that was it. I felt tired already. Pushes were becoming stronger and stronger and I screamed at the peak. I needed to push myself. The next one I joined and I felt the head moving down. My body seemed to have been stretched to the limit like a fully-bloated balloon.

I reached down to feel for the head yet it seemed my arm was not long enough. My husband realized birth was imminent and prepared himself. The head was slowly making its way downward. Energy surged all over me. Then the little body turned slowly and gently inside without any effort on my side, just like we had seen it on YouTube. I was strongly aware of the sliding inside, I felt as if electricity was going through me – my senses were acutely open and all perceptions came very powerful. Just a few seconds later the little body slipped out right into daddy’s palms. I turned around and sat down to embrace our baby who had been conceived with love and came to this world in an intimate environment where his dad and I were a team, one whole. My husband and I looked into each other’s eyes and I could see the same incredible happiness I felt. When I cuddled the little body the bathroom filled up with love as if coming from an invisible hidden spring. The incredible feeling of my own power and the grand power of Nature were going hand in hand with deep satisfaction. I was in awe with the wonders of Nature that had manifested through my body and I realized there was nothing I could not do. I had women’s power and strength.

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10 Things I Wish All Pregnant Women Knew About Labor & Birth

10-things-pregnant-women-should-know

By: Aviva Romm, M.D.

When I was pregnant, I seemed to be a magnet for birth war stories – cords around the neck, emergency cesareans, and more. It took a lot of inner conviction to believe in birth as a natural, beautiful event that my body was capable of, rather than a “disaster waiting to happen,” as one obstetrician warned me it was.

But inner conviction I decided to have, and my four children were born at home, peacefully, and without drama or trauma. I made sure I was in awesome health throughout my pregnancies, eating an organic, plant-based diet. I did yoga daily, spent time in nature, and meditated on the type of birth I wanted to have.

And then I surrendered to the forces of nature. The power I experienced as a woman has given me confidence in so many areas of my life and I so wish this for other women.

Sadly, however, natural birth is becoming endangered! About one in three women in the US will have their babies by cesarean section. Maybe that sounds like no big deal – but actually, it’s major abdominal surgery and increases your risks of complications over natural birth.

Cesareans are grossly overdone in US hospitals. And they often make recovery and breastfeeding much more challenging. They expose your baby to an antibiotic (all moms having a cesarean are given antibiotics at the time of surgery) before she or he is even born. And most of the ones that are performed turn out to be unnecessary.

Also, many more women will have their labor induced or experience some form of obstetric intervention. The downturn in natural birth is so significant that a group of researchers wanting to study the natural course of labor couldn’t find a large enough group of women birthing naturally in any one place to study them!

But we can’t let natural birth go extinct because it’s way more than just a romantic ideal. Babies born vaginally (and without medication) have many health advantages. For example, just being exposed to mom’s flora on the way out of the birth canal decreases the lifetime likelihood of developing digestive problems, allergies, and even obesity.

While we can’t fully control what happens in our births, and of course, sometimes interventions are necessary (though often they aren’t!), you can embrace core beliefs that will increase your chances of having the birth experience that is optimally healthy for you and baby.

Here are the Top 10 philosophies that helped me have my babies naturally and that I have used to support thousands of women in their birthing experiences, and that can help you have an optimal birthing experience – maybe even the birth of your dreams!

1. Birth is a spiritual journey; it’s also primal.

Birth is, to say the least, an intensely physically and emotionally demanding experience. Approaching the challenge as a spiritual journey can help you dig deep into your core for the resources to persevere, and to learn about yourself and your innate strength and power.

Though a spiritual journey, it is not all incense and candles. It asks us to call upon our primal instincts – and sometimes even to get primal – making animal sounds, assuming poses that have us buck naked on our hands and knees, moving our hips in deep sultry belly dancing undulations.

Planning to take a deep dive into your subconscious and intuition to let your primal self emerge can allow you to open and birth your baby with a raw strength and power you might not now even realize lives within you.

2. Birth should not be taken lying down.

Lying down simply doesn’t let gravity do the work of helping baby come down and out! Walking, moving your hips like a belly dancer, and generally staying active facilitates a more physiologic process for baby than lying on your back in a hospital bed, which increases your chances of a cesarean.

3. Contractions are amazing sensations that get your baby born.

During my own births I used my imagination and awareness to dive deep into the sensation of my muscles working to help my baby get born. This focused awareness transformed by perception of the pain of birth into the power of birth.

I even used the term expansions rather than contractions to help me think about the sensation in a new way. It did not make them less intense, but it made the sensation my ally rather than my enemy. As I welcomed each new wave of labor, I knew I was closer to bringing my baby into my arms.

4. Fear stops labor.

Mammal mommas have powerful instincts that allow us to keep our babies safe from harm. For example, momma giraffes on the savannah will spontaneously stop labor if they sense a predator in the area, rather than dropping a helpless newborn to the ground. We too, have hormones that can stimulate labor (oxytocin) and those can stop labor if pumped out early because of fear (adrenaline).

So learning to transform fear into power and confidence is essential for a smooth birth. How is this done? Make sure you feel safe where you are birthing, that you have good support in labor, and that you have talked with your birth provider about any fears you are harboring or repressing about your health and safety, baby’s health and safety, or the birthing process. Being educated and informed can help you to dispel fears.

5. Question Authority (or Nice girls can ask questions – and say, “No”).

Obstetrics practices are not always based on the best science. The September 2011 issue of Obstetrics and Gynecology, the official publication of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), reported that only one third of all obstetrics guidelines in the US are based on good scientific evidence, one third are based on limited or inconsistent evidence, and the remaining third are based on expert opinion, which is “subject to bias, either implicit or subconscious.”

So just because a doctor (or midwife) tells you something is required (lying down in labor, having a vaginal exam, wearing an external fetal monitor for your entire labor, having an IV drip routinely), doesn’t mean you have do it unquestioningly — or at all. As girls and young women, many of us learn not to question authority — just be a “good girl,” and don’t be the geek who asks questions. Many of the procedures done in hospitals are done “just because” they are routine but often not necessary.

So if something is recommended or expected that makes you uncomfortable or you’re not sure of the reason, ASK! And if you’re not comfortable with the explanation, you can decline. Having an advocate there who can help you sort through decisions, especially when you are otherwise occupied doing the work of labor, is especially valuable.

6. Women should eat and drink during labor.

Current scientific evidence has demonstrated that low-risk women who eat and drink in labor are not at significantly increased risk of food aspiration in the event of a cesarean, which has been the much-feared reason for keeping women on an ice-chips and fruit-pops-only regimen in labor for the past few decades.

In fact, keeping up your energy with light and nourishing fare has been found, by many midwives and mamas, to facilitate labor and reduce the likelihood of labor petering out, or needing Pitocin or a cesarean.

7. Your body is a marvelous, perfectly crafted force of nature.

Believing in yourself is powerful medicine! Yet most of us go into labor believing our bodies might be lemons – the reject in the batch that just doesn’t work properly and needs to be sent back to the factory on a recall!

The reality is, nature is amazing at creating powerful systems that work. Setting intentions and learning to have confidence in the birthing process – and your body – are among the most powerful tools you can use to go with the natural flow of labor and birth and gain some self-enlightenment in the process.

8. Obstetrics is BIG Business.

There is a whole system of medicine out there, called obstetrics, making a fortune off of your body! In fact, there is enormous financial incentive for obstetricians to do ultrasounds (in my community, a doctor’s office charges the insurance company $700 per ultrasound), offer endless tests, and big bucks when it comes to doing a cesarean rather than supporting a natural, vaginal birth.

Want to avoid unnecessary medical interventions? Then make your body your business by getting educated. Read about birth. Some good places to start: Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth, Henci Goer’s The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth, and my book, The Natural Pregnancy Book.

9. Birth is something you do, not something that is done to you.

Whether you dance, groan, or hypnobirth your way through labor, it ain’t called labor for nothing. It takes work, focus, and sweat to get a baby out. Powerful muscles move a 6 to 8 pound being (on average) a short distance through a relatively small space. This means EFFORT is required.

Just as with any hard task, being realistic about what’s involved, setting your mind and heart to it by getting psyched ahead of time, and then having strategies to call upon when your energy or determination wavers will get you to the other side of the finish line with power and pride.

10. Birth can be ecstatic.

While there might be some huffing and puffing, grunting and groaning, and even a holler or two if you need to vocalize the intense energy moving through you as you bring your baby out into the world, birth can be an ecstatic experience, particularly when you appreciate yourself for the accomplishment of a hard job done with determination and experience the ecstasy of holding your new baby in your arms.

As you get closer to your baby’s birth, and even in labor, here’s a simple mantra to tell yourself, “I’ve got this!”

Wishing you an ecstatic birth,

AJR-Sig

 

 

 

 

 

For more of Aviva’s wisdom visit her at http://avivaromm.com/

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