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Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Awaken Your Inner Wisdom

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birth

Interviews Questions for your OBGYN or Midwife

10 Questions to Ask your provider about birthDo you feel respected by your caregiver and that all of your questions are answered with care and compassion?  

Respectful care and informed decision-making are your RIGHTS.

Don’t let anyone put you down physically or emotionally in childbirth. Make sure you choose a birth team that honors and respects you! (read more)

Enjoy my 9 Additional Tips for Interviewing your provider – the person you choose to attend your birth has the greatest influence on your outcomes – even beyond your own body, can you believe that?

Pleasure is our right -birth can be every thing you wish it to be!

Read my 10 Tips for finding a supportive provider here.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts – tweet me @OrgasmicBirth

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Family Friends, Food, Wine, Passion and Fun!

debra-and-jimi-italyWe sailed into Portofino, Italy early one morning, just a short distance from France where we had spent the last few days. From the moment I stepped on shore, there is a completely different feeling – it must be my Italian blood as there is a different energy, a familiarity to me. I am ready for pasta, Italian music, and I can’t wait to eat our first Italian lunch in Santa Margherita.  Two days later we arrive in Rome, a place I have been fortunate to have visited many times before. I have so many stories from Roma from what seems like a lifetime ago – I had been a flight attendant or back then we were called “stewardesses” or “air hostesses”, and I would fly to Rome often and would spend a few days a week there. Since then, I have visited Roma to speak about doulas at the Ministry of Health, visited on my honeymoon, and even to spent a few days with a dear friend of mine, Father Peter who gave me a private tour of the Vatican and amazing art/history lessons around the city…a story for another day 🙂 

I love walking thru Rome’s piazza’s at night -Piazza Navona, Pantheon, and Trevi Fountain are my favorite nighttime walks in Rome but for me, nothing compares to heading south of Naples to Agerola and the Amalfi Cost to where my great-grandmother is from. As I have shared in other blogs, I work hard to find a balance between passion, work, pleasure and rest.  It’s not always easy but I can be sure that each year when I head to Agerola and the Amalfi coast my heart, belly, and soul will be filled with enough to take home memories of pleasure for months to come.  

italy-sunsetWinding up the mountain from Napoli the views begin to lift my whole being higher.  Coming thru the tunnel and seeing the sign of welcome to Agerola I truly feel I have come home, back to another time when life was simpler (which has some great advantages and it’s difficulties too). Soon we are pulling into the driveway of my family – Graziella and Agostino’s home with Nonna Maria, Nonno Antonio and their daughter Angela too.  What great hugs, smiles, kisses and soon the food..ahhh…Graziella is the best cook in the world! (I really mean that and can’t wait for her cookbook to be ready to share with you as I know you will love her recipes as much as I do!)

Although a year had passed I felt as If I never left.  After some concern over Nonna’s health as she needs surgery on a duct from her gall bladder and is not feeling well and also looking very yellow, we give her our love and prayers that the operation will happen soon and say good bye till tomorrow and head down the other side of the mountain. Agerola is called little Switzerland as it is  located at the  peak of the Amalfi coast looking down to the Bay of Naples on one side and the Mediterranean on the other- with spectacular views and a cozy mountain life of cows giving fresh milk in the morning – made into the best mozzarella and ricotta cheese by 9 am you have ever tasted!

scooters-italy Efesio our friend and trusted driver in this region takes us to our Villa with spectacular views of Positano and glistening sunsets.  It is wonderful to be with our friends from NJ and CA as I get to give them a tour of my favorite things to do on the Amalfi coast which includes walking thru the magical Valley of the Fairies – my favorite walk in all of the world – which goes thru a small rainforest with spectacular waterfalls, Roman ruins, lemon groves and down into the Town of Amalfi for the best lemon cream!  We also spent time walking around Positano -Priano where my great-grandfather was born, had a picnic at Pipo that Angela prepared for us with one of the amazing views in Agerola, and an incredible family dinner.  We also rented scooters and drove together along the Amalfi Coast, which is one of the best ways to take in all the sights, sounds and smells on these windy roads overlooking the Mediterranean sea.  The days are full and I savor every moment, every hug and every taste.  

italy-familyThe time goes by too quickly and l say each time one of these years I need to come and spend several months in Italy and learn Italian.  I know I am still a few years from this, but I do vision that one day I will make it happen! In the meantime, I will be in Italy again next year and hope to teach a workshop…if you’d like to join me, sign up to receive details as they become available. 

What is your favorite Italian food that fills you with pleasure? What about your favorite place in Italy?

Share you favorite Italian tweet or share mine – “Mangia bene e ama la vita! Eat well love life”

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10 Things I Wish All Pregnant Women Knew About Labor & Birth

10-things-pregnant-women-should-know

By: Aviva Romm, M.D.

When I was pregnant, I seemed to be a magnet for birth war stories – cords around the neck, emergency cesareans, and more. It took a lot of inner conviction to believe in birth as a natural, beautiful event that my body was capable of, rather than a “disaster waiting to happen,” as one obstetrician warned me it was.

But inner conviction I decided to have, and my four children were born at home, peacefully, and without drama or trauma. I made sure I was in awesome health throughout my pregnancies, eating an organic, plant-based diet. I did yoga daily, spent time in nature, and meditated on the type of birth I wanted to have.

And then I surrendered to the forces of nature. The power I experienced as a woman has given me confidence in so many areas of my life and I so wish this for other women.

Sadly, however, natural birth is becoming endangered! About one in three women in the US will have their babies by cesarean section. Maybe that sounds like no big deal – but actually, it’s major abdominal surgery and increases your risks of complications over natural birth.

Cesareans are grossly overdone in US hospitals. And they often make recovery and breastfeeding much more challenging. They expose your baby to an antibiotic (all moms having a cesarean are given antibiotics at the time of surgery) before she or he is even born. And most of the ones that are performed turn out to be unnecessary.

Also, many more women will have their labor induced or experience some form of obstetric intervention. The downturn in natural birth is so significant that a group of researchers wanting to study the natural course of labor couldn’t find a large enough group of women birthing naturally in any one place to study them!

But we can’t let natural birth go extinct because it’s way more than just a romantic ideal. Babies born vaginally (and without medication) have many health advantages. For example, just being exposed to mom’s flora on the way out of the birth canal decreases the lifetime likelihood of developing digestive problems, allergies, and even obesity.

While we can’t fully control what happens in our births, and of course, sometimes interventions are necessary (though often they aren’t!), you can embrace core beliefs that will increase your chances of having the birth experience that is optimally healthy for you and baby.

Here are the Top 10 philosophies that helped me have my babies naturally and that I have used to support thousands of women in their birthing experiences, and that can help you have an optimal birthing experience – maybe even the birth of your dreams!

1. Birth is a spiritual journey; it’s also primal.

Birth is, to say the least, an intensely physically and emotionally demanding experience. Approaching the challenge as a spiritual journey can help you dig deep into your core for the resources to persevere, and to learn about yourself and your innate strength and power.

Though a spiritual journey, it is not all incense and candles. It asks us to call upon our primal instincts – and sometimes even to get primal – making animal sounds, assuming poses that have us buck naked on our hands and knees, moving our hips in deep sultry belly dancing undulations.

Planning to take a deep dive into your subconscious and intuition to let your primal self emerge can allow you to open and birth your baby with a raw strength and power you might not now even realize lives within you.

2. Birth should not be taken lying down.

Lying down simply doesn’t let gravity do the work of helping baby come down and out! Walking, moving your hips like a belly dancer, and generally staying active facilitates a more physiologic process for baby than lying on your back in a hospital bed, which increases your chances of a cesarean.

3. Contractions are amazing sensations that get your baby born.

During my own births I used my imagination and awareness to dive deep into the sensation of my muscles working to help my baby get born. This focused awareness transformed by perception of the pain of birth into the power of birth.

I even used the term expansions rather than contractions to help me think about the sensation in a new way. It did not make them less intense, but it made the sensation my ally rather than my enemy. As I welcomed each new wave of labor, I knew I was closer to bringing my baby into my arms.

4. Fear stops labor.

Mammal mommas have powerful instincts that allow us to keep our babies safe from harm. For example, momma giraffes on the savannah will spontaneously stop labor if they sense a predator in the area, rather than dropping a helpless newborn to the ground. We too, have hormones that can stimulate labor (oxytocin) and those can stop labor if pumped out early because of fear (adrenaline).

So learning to transform fear into power and confidence is essential for a smooth birth. How is this done? Make sure you feel safe where you are birthing, that you have good support in labor, and that you have talked with your birth provider about any fears you are harboring or repressing about your health and safety, baby’s health and safety, or the birthing process. Being educated and informed can help you to dispel fears.

5. Question Authority (or Nice girls can ask questions – and say, “No”).

Obstetrics practices are not always based on the best science. The September 2011 issue of Obstetrics and Gynecology, the official publication of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), reported that only one third of all obstetrics guidelines in the US are based on good scientific evidence, one third are based on limited or inconsistent evidence, and the remaining third are based on expert opinion, which is “subject to bias, either implicit or subconscious.”

So just because a doctor (or midwife) tells you something is required (lying down in labor, having a vaginal exam, wearing an external fetal monitor for your entire labor, having an IV drip routinely), doesn’t mean you have do it unquestioningly — or at all. As girls and young women, many of us learn not to question authority — just be a “good girl,” and don’t be the geek who asks questions. Many of the procedures done in hospitals are done “just because” they are routine but often not necessary.

So if something is recommended or expected that makes you uncomfortable or you’re not sure of the reason, ASK! And if you’re not comfortable with the explanation, you can decline. Having an advocate there who can help you sort through decisions, especially when you are otherwise occupied doing the work of labor, is especially valuable.

6. Women should eat and drink during labor.

Current scientific evidence has demonstrated that low-risk women who eat and drink in labor are not at significantly increased risk of food aspiration in the event of a cesarean, which has been the much-feared reason for keeping women on an ice-chips and fruit-pops-only regimen in labor for the past few decades.

In fact, keeping up your energy with light and nourishing fare has been found, by many midwives and mamas, to facilitate labor and reduce the likelihood of labor petering out, or needing Pitocin or a cesarean.

7. Your body is a marvelous, perfectly crafted force of nature.

Believing in yourself is powerful medicine! Yet most of us go into labor believing our bodies might be lemons – the reject in the batch that just doesn’t work properly and needs to be sent back to the factory on a recall!

The reality is, nature is amazing at creating powerful systems that work. Setting intentions and learning to have confidence in the birthing process – and your body – are among the most powerful tools you can use to go with the natural flow of labor and birth and gain some self-enlightenment in the process.

8. Obstetrics is BIG Business.

There is a whole system of medicine out there, called obstetrics, making a fortune off of your body! In fact, there is enormous financial incentive for obstetricians to do ultrasounds (in my community, a doctor’s office charges the insurance company $700 per ultrasound), offer endless tests, and big bucks when it comes to doing a cesarean rather than supporting a natural, vaginal birth.

Want to avoid unnecessary medical interventions? Then make your body your business by getting educated. Read about birth. Some good places to start: Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth, Henci Goer’s The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth, and my book, The Natural Pregnancy Book.

9. Birth is something you do, not something that is done to you.

Whether you dance, groan, or hypnobirth your way through labor, it ain’t called labor for nothing. It takes work, focus, and sweat to get a baby out. Powerful muscles move a 6 to 8 pound being (on average) a short distance through a relatively small space. This means EFFORT is required.

Just as with any hard task, being realistic about what’s involved, setting your mind and heart to it by getting psyched ahead of time, and then having strategies to call upon when your energy or determination wavers will get you to the other side of the finish line with power and pride.

10. Birth can be ecstatic.

While there might be some huffing and puffing, grunting and groaning, and even a holler or two if you need to vocalize the intense energy moving through you as you bring your baby out into the world, birth can be an ecstatic experience, particularly when you appreciate yourself for the accomplishment of a hard job done with determination and experience the ecstasy of holding your new baby in your arms.

As you get closer to your baby’s birth, and even in labor, here’s a simple mantra to tell yourself, “I’ve got this!”

Wishing you an ecstatic birth,

AJR-Sig

 

 

 

 

 

For more of Aviva’s wisdom visit her at http://avivaromm.com/

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