• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Awaken Your Inner Wisdom

  • ABOUT
    • ABOUT DEBRA
    • INVITE DEBRA TO SPEAK
    • START HERE
    • OUR TEAM
    • PRAISE
    • GIVE BACK
  • DOULA WORKSHOPS
    • DOULA SCHOLARSHIPS
  • DOULA RETREATS
  • EDUCATION FOR PARENTS
  • BLOG
    • BIRTH STORIES
      • Share your Story
  • PODCAST
  • CONTACT

Blog

Human Rights: Infant Rights at Birth by Ibu Robin Lim

7 June, 2014

Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, families, midwives, doulas, doctors, nurses, hospital administrators and legislators… we are BirthKeepers. It is our responsibility to ask the next and the next question, for as BirthKeepers, it is we who are given the sacred responsibility to protect our incoming humans, the newborns, at birth and as they grow, for they are the future EarthKeepers. My question now is: “Are we allowing our health providers to rob our babies, of their full potential of health, intelligence, immunity and longevity, at birth?”

According to the Red Cross, children under the age of 17 (16 with parental consent in some States) are not eligible to donate blood. Blood donations are generally no more than 1 pint, which is 1/10th of the average adult blood volume. Blood donors must weigh at least 110 lbs (49,895 kg).

Yet, all over the world, in nearly every single medical institution where babies are born, Newborn infants (usually weighing only between 2 and 5 kilograms) are being denied up to 1/3 of their blood volume.

At the moment of birth newborn infants are estimated to have a blood volume of 78 ml/kg (X 3.5kg = 273 ml) with a venous hematocrit of 48%.

When the umbilical cord-clamping was delayed for 5 minutes the blood volume increased by 61% to 126 ml/kg (X 3.5 kg or 7.7 lbs. = 441 ml). This placental transfusion amounted to 168 ml for an average 3,500 g infant, one-quarter of which occurred in the first 15 seconds, and one-half within 60 seconds of birth.Baby BloodIs taking 1/3 of a mammal’s blood supply harmful? How then can it be legal, for hospital protocols and practices to harm newborns, by robbing them at birth, of so much of their blood? I have reviewed the research and the evidence, and found absolutely NO benefits for newborn babies, when their umbilical cords are immediately clamped and cut at the time of birth. In fact the studies prove this to be a harmful practice. I am quite sure that if I went removed 1/3 of even one adult patient’s blood, without his or her consent, it would be considered a crime. There would be media outcry against me, and I would be prosecuted. How then is it that people tolerate the same unfair treatment of human neonates?

P2P_image 06A mountain of research does point to the fact that by simply delaying the clamping and cutting of babies’ umbilical cords, our newborn children would suffer less trauma, fewer inner cranial hemorrhages, have higher stores of iron at 4 months of age, and even up to 6 and 8 months after birth. , , The nutrients, oxygen and stem cells present in the blood transfused into babies by the placenta, when cord severance is delayed ensures the bodies’ tissues and organs are properly vitalized, supplied with energy, and nourished. This translates into improved health, heightened immunity, more intelligence and perhaps, potential for increased longevity.

In addition, by not severing the umbilical cord at birth, the baby must stay skin to skin with mother. This eliminates or greatly reduces the potential for birth trauma. Research has proven that babies born without trauma enjoy an intact capacity to love and trust. (Michel Odent OBGYN “The Scientification of Love.)

The simple, natural, common-sense practice of giving the placenta time to do its job, of delivering to the baby, his or her full blood supply, has been criticized and NOT implemented by the very doctors and hospitals who have taken an oath, to “Never Do Harm.”

An intervention, by definition is an action or process of intervening, or interfering, and so, the clamping and cutting of human babies’ umbilical cords is an intervention. However, in the medical literature, I have repeatedly seen the delay of umbilical cord severance called, an “intervention.”

Surgery is an intervention, in some cases a life saving one. I wonder, how not interfering with a natural, healthy process may be deemed an intervention. The imposed medical habit of immediately clamping and cutting babies’ umbilical cords has not been with us so long (just over 200 years) and yet, it is considered “normal” and “necessary.”

“Another thing very injurious to the child, is the tying and cutting of the navel string too soon; which should always be left till the child has not only repeatedly breathed but till all pulsation in the cord ceases. As otherwise the child is much weaker than it ought to be, a portion of the blood being left in the placenta, which ought to have been in the child.” Erasmus Darwin, Zoonomia, 1801

The habitual practice of immediate umbilical cord clamping and cutting began in the 1960s when a hypothesis arose among physicians thinking that immediate cord severance would prevent jaundice. If this was true why do so many babies who had their cords immediately clamped and cut, need phototherapy for pathological jaundice? Research has proven that there is no greater risk of pathological jaundice for newborns whose cord clamping and cutting was delayed.

Another theory was that early cord clamping would prevent Polycythemia, or too much hemoglobin. Some research does show an increased concentration of hemoglobin in the delayed cord clamping group, but it has not harmed babies, nor is it a significant argument for immediate cord severance.

When immediate umbilical cord clamping and cutting was introduced, it was never questioned. NO research was conducted to determine if it was a safe practice. It was just done for convenience. Doctors, nurses and midwives began to follow the trend, like sheep wearing blinders. Later, they justified it with myths about delayed cord severance causing jaundice. Few asked the questions I am asking today; “What about the Baby?” “What are the Babies’ human rights?” “Is the practice and protocol of immediate umbilical severance harming our children?” “Is it sabotaging breastfeeding and bonding?” “Is it impairing our children’s birthright to their full potential of health and intelligence?” At this junction on herstory and history, many BirthKeepers are asking these very questions.

The research proves that immediate or early umbilical cord severance is detrimental to our newborn children, but no one seems alarmed? Are we hypnotized? Why are we trusting medical professionals, who profit from denying our offspring their very blood?

Thinking, caring parents and grandparents have concluded that OBGYNs and midwives, who insist on habitually severing the umbilical cords of newborn babies, immediately, are simply protecting their right to practice with impatience, and what they deem ‘efficiency,’ with no regard for the rights of the baby, who cannot protest.

Due to imagined Fear of litigation. In 1995 the American Academy of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) released an Educational Bulletin (#216) recommending immediate cord clamping in order to obtain cord blood for blood gas studies in case of a future lawsuit. They did this because deviations in blood gas values at birth can reflect asphyxia, or lack of. Lack of asphyxia at birth is viewed as proof in a court of law that a baby was healthy at birth.

Following an unpublished letter sent to ACOG by Dr. Morley, ACOG withdrew this Educational Bulletin in the February 2002 issue of Obstetrics and Gynecology, the ACOG journal. This action released them of liability resulting from their previous bulletin #216 of 1995. Parents and all BirthKeepers must ask; WHY, if ACOG has withdrawn its erroneous instruction to doctors, to immediately clamp and cut babies’ umbilical cords, is it still universally and dangerously practiced? Midwives and doctors who propose to preserve the healthy process of placental transfusion at birth, by delaying umbilical cord clamping and cutting, are criticized and charged with the burden of proving that letting nature take her course is, safe!

At Bumi Sehat we have received nearly 7,000 babies safely into the world, in high-risk, low resource settings. ALL of them enjoyed delayed umbilical cord clamping and cutting. Normally we wait 3 hours before doing anything with the Babies’ umbilical cords, and many parents choose cord non-severance, or, “Full Lotus Birth.” My grandsons, had what is called, “Full Lotus Birth” their placentas were left intact. Full Lotus Birth is simply allowing the baby, umbilical cord and placenta to stay intact, until the cord naturally dries and falls away, with no violence. Partial Lotus Birth happens anytime we see the baby, cord and placenta trinity. This means we do not clamp or cut the babies’ umbilical cords, before the placenta has been safely born. Certainly we would never clamp and cut a baby’s cord, until all pulsation has stopped.

At Bumi Sehat we have experienced NO ill effects for the babies, even though we do not immediately sever their umbilical connection to the placenta. A small study was done which compared a small sample of 30 babies from Bumi Sehat (greatly delayed cord severance) and 30 babies from a local hospital with immediate cord severance. There was NO increased rate of Jaundice and the delayed cord severance group from Bumi Sehat enjoyed higher hemoglobin.

Our MotherBabies enjoy a breastfeeding rate of 100% upon discharge from all of our three Childbirth centers, in Indonesia and the Philippines. We attribute the success of Mother’s to breastfeed to the bright, enthusiastic way in which babies, born at our birth centers, bond wide-eyed, and go directly to the breast to self-attach and feed. Also the support of our midwifery team, for each MotherBaby, protects breastfeeding start-up. There is absolutely NO infant formula supplied or promoted at Bumi Sehat.

Babies who are compromised by newborn anemia, caused by the immediate or early clamping and cutting of their umbilical cords, are withered in comparison, and have more difficulty finding the energy required to self-attach and robustly feed at Mother’s breasts. After all, babies who suffer the routine medical habit of immediate cord severance, only seconds after birth, have been denied up to 1/3 of their divine right to their natural blood supply and stem cells, of course they have trouble breastfeeding. Sever anemia makes any and all newborn activities; gazing, crawling toward the breast, nuzzling, staying awake, latching and suckling, nearly impossible. I sing praises to the determined mothers who manage to bond and breastfeed their infants, in spite of immediate cord severance. Humans are super resilient, but that is no excuse to abuse them at birth.

No other Mammal, except humans, routinely interferes with bonding and breastfeeding by quickly severing the umbilical cords of their offspring.

No matter if you are rich or poor; educated or not; brown, black, white, red, yellow or of mixed race, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Pagan, Catholic, Jewish or Agnostic, very young or getting older, if you go to a medical institution for childbirth, your baby will be robbed of up to 1/3 or 33% of his or her natural blood supply.

Why? Stem cells are valuable, blood is valuable, some hospitals sell babies’ blood for transfusions and for research. Many parents are asked to donate their babies cord blood to science or to help others. Is this blood not meant to help the baby it belongs to? If adults may only donate up to 10% of their blood, why are doctors taking up to 33% of our babies’ blood, without consent. There are hospitals and clinics who impede the natural transfer of blood from placenta to baby, only to throw it away as medical waste. Umbilical cords are marketed for transplants. Placentas have been sold to cosmetic companies to be used in beauty supplies.

Just say “NO, I will not allow anyone to abuse my newborn by immediately clamping and cutting my Baby’s umbilical cord!”

If you were born in a hospital or clinic, it happened to you. If you plan to have your birth in nearly any medical institution on earth, it will happen to your baby, unless YOU stop it. Immediate or early clamping and cutting of babies’ umbilical cords is the biggest most widespread, medically sanctioned Human Rights issue on Earth!


Join us for Eat Pray Doula: A Gentle Birth Workshop where you will visit Bumi Sehat Clinic, connect with other BirthKeepers from around the world, and learn from Ibu Robin and Debra Pascali-Bonaro.


019_Placenta check up

Ibu Robin Lim is an internationally-recognized midwife, well-known author and talented poet. She was awarded the 2011 CNN Hero of the Year Award, and was nominated for the 2016 CNN Superhero award. Her non-profit Indonesian birthing and educational clinics Bumi Sehat have saved hundreds of lives and delivered thousands of babies over the last decade, serving the poor and medically disenfranchised citizens of Bali and, far away, in the tsunami-ravaged province of Aceh, Sumatra. After years of service and frequent financial challenges, “Ibu” (Mother) Robin and her organization remain indefatigably committed to changing the world, one gentle birth at a time. Please consider supporting Ibu Robin and her clinic by donating to Bumi Sehat Foundation, or adding Bumi Sehat Foundation International Inc as your Amazon Project SMILE link. (shop from http://smile.amazon.com and Amazon will donate t the charity of your choice.)



Tweet

The Four Biggies …for Dads/Partners at Birth

By Patrick Houser

Most fathers/partners are strangers to the birth environment. Additionally, they typically have had little if any opportunity to prepare for it. In my opinion, this is society’s responsibility and we all need to raise our game in the support of new families during this crucial time of family foundation building and bonding.

Towards that end, I have four ‘topics of awareness’ that dads/partners would do well to have support on in order to make a more useful contribution during the mother’s labour and their child’s birth.

1. PAIN: Men typically know pain as it relates to injury, football, falling off a bike, hitting their thumb with a hammer etc. With this as their point of reference, or default setting, for pain if the one they love is experiencing pain during labour they can, knowingly or unknowingly, revert to their ‘known experience’ and assume that injury or damage is being done to her. They need to be informed, perhaps even convinced, that if there is pain during labour it is safe, intermittent, cyclical and also creative. They also need to know it is not their role to try and do something about it i.e., fix it. In addition, it is possible to transmute ‘pain’ and transform it into pure energy…rather than something that hurts. The word YES is key.

2. TIME: How much time will the birth take? How long is a piece of string? Birth takes as long as it takes. Fathers need to know this and to relax around the time thing and to be present with her and in each moment with her. This knowing and attitude from him will support her to relax more easily and be in the zone with her labour. All in good time.

3. NOISE: She may make loud and/or unusual sounds, perhaps unlike any he has ever heard from her before. This is normal, good even. This comes from deep inside her, from that ‘instinctual mother’ place in her. Welcome it.

4. SAFETY: Is she safe? Is our baby safe? Here is where experienced advise is needed from the professionals in the room. They have attended many births. Trustfully they have learned what it is like and have a deep knowing that birth is safe. It is important to communicate this to the father/partner. Let him know through a look, a touch, a kind and gentle word that all is good and going according to nature’s plan. Trust birth!

 

Patrick HouserPatrick Houser consults with hospitals, birth centers and organizations regarding fathering policies and procedures. He offers study days, workshops and keynote lectures in various formats to support working relationships with fathers during the time of pregnancy, birth & breastfeeding. His Fathers-To-Be Handbook is very supportive for professionals working with families during pregnancy and birth. F2B Handbook also available at 50% discount for selling-on or giving to clients as part of information/support packets. www.FathersToBe.org   info@fatherstobe.org

 

Learn about Debra’s upcoming From Pain to Power online childbirth experience!

PageLines- OBirthEclassWEBLOGO.jpg

 

Tweet

Happy Graduation! Debra’s Advice to Budding Midwives

In May, Debra had the honor of delivering the keynote address to the New York University Midwifery Program/College of Nursing Graduation’s Blessingway. Here are some excerpts from her keynote about advice to budding midwives.

Affecting change in childbirth & “with woman”…

I am honored to be here with you today as you are entering a new phase of your life, as a midwife. Maternity Care is changing…. Changing in ways that will call upon each of you as midwives to have a crucial role in contributing to create a healthy safe, respectful, quality model of MotherBaby Maternity care in the U.S and around the world.

I have had the great privilege of traveling the world to both teach as well as learn about childbirth. To see where systems work well, where there are gaps and where there are abuses of power and money. I have learned that women’s bodies are the same and women mostly desire the same things in birth all over the world. Respectful, safe and healthy care. The best models, those with the best care and best outcomes are countries and places where there are strong autonomous midwives.

As a midwife, you are not only caring for MotherBaby’s you are touching women’s family’s, how you care for women will effect a woman’s self esteem, her ability to parent, and how she feel about herself will effect how she contributes to our community’s and society.  Your care truly can change a woman’s perception of herself and her abilities.

I hope each of you will…

Allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to face your own fears and barriers to seeing birth as whole, powerful, and transformative, As like me, women will look to you to hold their fears and provide a healthy strong belief that natural birth is every woman’s birth right.

I hope you will always value the process as much as the outcomes.

That you will bring respect to MotherBaby, father, partner, family and colleagues.

That you will advocate to rebuild our broken system.

To create home birth opportunities in hospitals with rooms that offer women true choice of a full range of comfort measures.

My dream is that you will help to develop an autonomous midwifery council and model in the U.S.

And that you will greet these challenges with love. Love is healing; Love is nurturing and being born into love will transform our world.

Follow your intuition…

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself. – Alan Alda

How do you make time to connect to your intuition? To encourage each woman to tap into her own intuition as a labor and birthing women and as a mother. This is not something we can read in a book and take in; it is a daily practice that only you can define that will take you deeper into the miracle of your own heart and wisdom and to see more fully the opportunities that each birth provides for you and the women you serve. I feel that every birth holds a mirror before you that will reflect into your soul and how you allow that image to reflect with not only strengthen you as a midwife, but we as birth workers are so blessed to be on a path that holds the richness of life in every moment for us as well. The long hours, sleepless night, challenges and joys will provide you with a deep wisdom that few people truly know and a connection to life, love, and the divine if you allow yourself to connect to this deeper inner knowing we call intuition. I have attended many a birth that the midwives intuition kept birth safe, long before any machine or technology gave us signs.

Midwives are the gatekeepers of gentle, respectful beginnings and the joy of being able to honor and inspire new midwives as they begin their careers filled me with joy.

Sign-up for Debra’s weekly enews or upcoming Pain to Power online childbirth experience.

Tweet

New Cesarean Rate Information from Consumer Reports

U.S waves are growing with our over-use of Cesarean Birth and the risks they pose to MotherBaby.  It is great to finally hear many voices speaking out about the overuse of surgery for birth for healthy women and their babies.  Consumers Report just released some helpful tools and resources in an effort to better educate women and reduce the number of unnecessary cesarean births.

The good news is this information is now readily available to pregnant women across the United States. The bad news is the findings are alarming: 66 percent of hospitals reviewed received the worst two ratings, only five (5!) hospitals received the highest rating, and hospital ratings can vary widely even in the same community.

If you are pregnant, thinking about becoming pregnant, know someone who is pregnant or work with pregnant women, these resources offer information to help decide where to give birth:

• Read the article, “What hospitals don’t want you to know about C-sections;”
• Watch the video, “Too Many C-Sections;“
• Check out C-section rates at individual hospitals; and
• Compare safety scores by hospital and by state. (Subscription required.)

Also, check out this New York Times op-ed blog post, “In Delivery Rooms, Reducing Births of Convenience,” that points to factors unrelated to the needs of mothers and babies including organization of care, payment issues, and types of providers that impact the use of cesarean section.

Want to learn more? Sign up for Debra’s weekly enews for the latest.

Tweet

World Respected Childbirth Week

10264964_650044035087199_8452306109437299652_nOn Wednesday May 21st, during the Respectful Birth Week, at 10 am Brasilia time, our International MotherBaby Organization Board of Directors member Daphne Rattner, also the president of the Brazilian Network for the Humanization of Childbirth (ReHuNa), will speak about the laws available and the ones needed for an optimal birth for women and babies at the House of Representatives of the Federal District in Brasília, by an initiative of its president, Wasny De Roure, and the Deputy Arlete Sampaio. District and federal authorities as well as representatives of women’s organizations will be debating the proposals. During the event, the House of Representatives will honor ReHuNa for its  20 years of activist achievements.

Tweet

Debra Pascali-Bonaro Receives Koko Roy Award

This has been a very special week for me. I was honored to keynote the New York University Midwifery Program/College of Nursing Graduation’s Blessingway. Midwives are the gatekeepers of gentle, respectful beginnings and the joy of being able to honor and inspire new midwives as they begin their careers filled me with joy. When Julia Lange Kessler, their Director gave the description of their Koko Roy Award, I was to touched by Koko Roy’s life and dedication to midwifery care. When I learned I received their Koko Roy Award, I was overwhelmed with emotion, my tears, my heart was so full as I feel so blessed to share this sacred path with so many and I am so honored to share with you!

NYU Blessingway crop

About the Koko Roy Award by Julia Lange Kessler

Background

Asoka Roy was a pioneer nurse-midwife who established this field as a profession in the United States.

She began her midwifery career in India, the country of her birth. One of eleven children, Ms. Roy was born on December 10, 1915, the daughter of a high-ranking civil servant.

Though she could have lived a leisurely life, not needing to work to support herself, she decided, instead, to become a midwife. After learning about deficiencies in maternity care in India, she realized how much mothers, babies and midwives of India needed her commitment to them. From this initial decision, Ms. Roy found that she truly loved the midwifery profession. With great energy, she devoted her entire life to the care of mothers and babies, considering each mother-to-be as a sacred individual on a nine-month journey to deliver a miracle.

Visiting war-torn villages

Her first job was in a hospital in New Delhi and she later became fully trained in midwifery, earning her master’s degree at a university in Calcutta. During the partition between India and Pakistan, she made several trips to the war-torn villages. During this period, stories are told of her courage when she risked her life to see all her midwives to safety and of her trips to the villages to deliver babies — such as twins in the mud-huts of war-torn India — when medical assistance was nowhere to be found.

After the partition, Asoka Roy broke new ground for the cause of Indian nursing, as General Secretary of the Trained Nurses’ Association of India, or TNAI. She was only the second Indian to hold this high-level ‘British’ national post and the first Indian Editor of the Nursing Journal of India.

Then, through her association with TNAI, she traveled to London to earn a midwife’s teaching certificate at the Royal College of Midwives. Before she immigrated to the United States, she was a midwifery tutor in Britain. Ms. Roy always welcomed technology as a valuable complement to the traditional skills she practiced and traveled, also, to Sweden to learn the vacuum-extraction method of delivery.

Trained midwives

Just at a time when American women were beginning to seek midwifery services, Ms. Roy earned her nurse-midwife license in New York in 1967. In 1968, she became the first director of Beth Israel Medical Center’s midwifery program, which was one of the first of its kind.  Ms. Roy also taught midwifery students and medical students at the prestigious Yale University. While there, she drafted the curriculum of a course to train foreign midwives for practice in the United States.  In 1983, she obtained midwifery-admitting privileges at St. Vincent’s’ Hospital and, when she retired from delivery practice in 1990, the hospital named her “Midwife Emeritus.” During this time, she became a Fellow of the American College of Nurse-Midwives.

Active after her retirement, Ms. Roy attended her last birth, her grand-niece’s, at home, at age 82 in 1998. Until nearly the end of her life, she was involved in developing the Beth Israel midwifery archives.

Throughout her career, Ms. Roy delivered more than 5,500 babies. In a 1983 article in The New York Times, Ms. Roy explained her approach this way: “I consider that the woman delivers the baby, not a midwife or obstetrician.”

Affectionately called ‘Koko” by her friends and family, she died on June 22, 2001 at the age of 85. In her memory, “Koko Roy Award” has been instituted to recognize an individual’s contribution to women’s health. Her story is an inspiration to all Indian nurses and to the global nursing and midwifery community.

Ms. Asoka Roy was one of those fortunate women of pre-independent India, who had access to the highest education and a life of wealth and privilege. Yet, she used her education to devote her life to the care of mothers and babies and toward the improving her profession and inspiring her students and colleagues.

Her New York Times Obituary closes with these words: “Her departure represents a great loss to the international midwifery community. Her spirit will live on for many generations.”

Julia Lange Kessler

Koko Roy

Excerpts to be published from Debra’s NYU keynote speech- sign up for Debra’s enews & be the first to hear.

Tweet

Birth Story of Xquenda Luis Stockall

Submitted by his mama Monica Ann Stockall with photos taken by dad

Dedicated to Xquenda Luis Stockall

Stockall photo1

February baby. We’re here. I can’t stand the anticipation and uncertainty of not knowing when you’ll arrive. I tell myself it’ll be on the full moon of Saturday the 15th. I just can’t wait to meet you.

Valentine’s day. I bake you a birthday cake; a vegan dark chocolate spelt brownie covered in dried camomile flowers and topped with a 0 candle, which we have left over from your grandpa’s 50th a few months ago. I make heart-shaped banana muffins for your dad and the midwives who will be assisting me in your home birth. It’s snowing hard. Your dad comes home from work and surprises me with a beautiful rose. I put it on the birth altar I created at my bedside; inspiration for my body to slowly and gently open up to let you out. In the evening I listen to my Baby Come Out hypnosis track and wait for my birthing waves to start. They don’t.

We wait until Monday to dig into your birthday cake. I’m officially over 40 weeks pregnant. I know that babies need to come out before a certain time to be able to be safely born at home, naturally, without any interventions, with a midwife. Just as I’ve planned for us. I desire my ideal birth experience so intensely, and do not want to go near the possibility of having to go to a hospital for any reason. Sometimes at night I feel my uterus tense up gently. A sensation between a clenching fist and a hiccough in my huge belly.

Mid-week, I feel what I imagine to be my cervix opening gently. It feels like the ground opening up from underneath me. I can feel how close you are. I continue to listen to several hypnosis tracks every day, which help me so much to relax deeply, and confidently look forward to your birthing time. I’m constantly visualizing my body softening and opening to let you through. The power of deep breathing and positive affirmations is a radical new experience for me.

It’s Friday the 21st. I go to my appointment with our midwife, Marika. We talk about the possibility of eventually trying natural induction techniques. Primrose oil. Castor oil. Unsticking the membranes. Rupturing the membranes. She gives me a referral for an ultrasound and electronic fetal monitoring at the hospital. I accept it and pray you come out before the appointment. She offers to perform an internal check. Curiosity wins me over and I accept. To my great relief and uncontainable excitement, the smile on her face says it all: “We’re going to be seeing each other again very soon!” My cervix is already 80% effaced and 3cm dilated. My body has already silently started the work! I trust my instincts and know you’re really on your way now.

Your papito picks me up and I tell him the great news. I feel like all these months, you’ve been away on a long trip; now the wait for our reunion is almost over. The last leg of it is upon us. You’re coming home. I imagine you on an airplane. Still so far in another realm, suspended in a fragile space. Yet so close, about to begin your descent and landing very soon.

Our fridge is ridiculously empty so we decide to do groceries on our way home. On the way, I suddenly feel my first contraction. Real or fake, it’s intense and it scares me. I tell your dad to take us home instead. “Are you serious?” “Yeah.” He immediately turns the truck around. The feeling passes. I realize I just can’t welcome you home with an empty fridge. The fact that you’ll be on an exclusive breast milk diet for the next 6 months is besides the point. We turn around yet again and head to our favorite, cheapest grocery store. We joke about me giving birth to you beside their famous mountain of smelly dried fish at the back. No such thing happens. I don’t have a single additional contraction.

Back home, we have a nap. It’s now evening. Our kitchen light bulb burns out. We prepare a romantic candlelight dinner of homemade vegetarian poutine with cilantro and fried onions. Your dad goes back out in the rain just to buy cheese curds from the fancy overpriced grocery store not far from our apartment. I sense it’s our last supper just us 3, with Chia. An exquisite sunset of orange, pink and purple illuminates our kitchen window. I make more muffins, carrot and raisin this time. I go to bed early, around 10:30. I want to be as rested as possible for what’s to come.

I’m awakened at 1:15 in the morning by powerful contractions coming and going at regular intervals. They feel like the cramps I usually get on the first day of my menstruation. I’m surprised at how strong they are. I know it without a doubt; your landing is upon us. As much as I looked forward to this time, I feel scared. I wake up your dad to tell him. He reminds me, half asleep, “This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Try to enjoy it…” I ask him to grab his cell phone to help me time how spaced out my pressure waves are. I squeeze his hand and wake him up again every time one starts. They’re 3 minutes apart.

I say goodbye to my imagined romantic “latent phase”. There’ll be no easing into it. No burst of energy for last minute preparations while rocking out to my birthing day playlist of empowering feel-good songs, no calling my friend Léa who we’d planned would photograph your birth. No making love to get labor going. I come to accept it and get into action. I put on my Easy First Stage hypnosis track and try to go into hypnosis, as I’ve practised countless times before. I just can’t relax. I can’t even hear what the recording is saying. I try to visualize my special place. Imagine my anesthesia. But with every wave I just writhe and moan in intense discomfort.

I ask your dad to wake up and stay with me. I need him. I remember my “orgasmic birthing” techniques and we try passionate kissing during each pressure wave, to help me relax and produce more oxytocin, the contraction-inducing love hormone. I start to realize I might not have the easy, comfortable, painless and orgasmic birth experience I solely prepared myself for.

As my last hope I run a hot bath. Lavender salts. I light a candle in my clay candle holder that casts heart and diamond shaped shadows on the wall. Our apartment is in complete darkness, apart from the flame and a few Christmas lights we still have up. Our bath is so small and awkward to move in with my huge belly. The water doesn’t relieve me in the least. I ask your dad to make me hierba buena tea and stay close to me. He’s still so tired and sleepy. My pressure waves actually start to space out so I tell myself I better get out. I begin to travel incessantly from our bed, to the toilet, to the couch, and back again. I feel like I need to shit, piss and vomit, all at the same time, with nothing coming out. My uterus and thighs seem to want to crawl out of my skin. The power at work inside me is indescribable.

I realize the only thing that makes the contractions more bearable is making very loud, low guttural moans through my throat and mouth. Sounds I didn’t even know I’m capable of. Noises I’d be way too self-conscious to make in any other circumstance. They fall somewhere between a desperate cry and a sacred, entranced chant. Making them feels like release. Like freedom. Like pure, sweet surrender. I enter the sound and I stay there, safe inside its vibrancy, until the wave with its crescendo motion passes. Then I rest in total off mode, until the next.

At 3am, I call Marika. I tell her this is it. With that calm voice of hers, she asks me for details. I have little conception of how long my contractions are so we go through one together. She listens on the other end. She says she’ll be on her way. I settle for a kneeling position on the floor, leaning forward on the sofa. I brace myself for each contraction.

She’s here within 30 minutes. With tears in my eyes I tell her it’s not what I expected. She says “I know… It’s okay. You’re doing amazingly.” She proceeds to move all my things to install her material. Your dad helps her prepare the room. It takes them some time because we didn’t think to put the “homebirth list of things to prepare” things all in one place. I’m by myself while they do this. Even Chia’s set herself apart. I feel really alone.

The bedroom is finally ready. Your dad comes to get me. I climb on our bed and get back on all fours immediately. I prop my elbows on a stack of pillows. My head is down and my pelvis is up in the air. Ayayayayayayay… I hear myself say. I’m so thirsty. Your dad brings me glass after glass of water. I feel I can’t move any inch of my body. He pours it for me into my mouth. He places cold compresses on my nape and forehead. Touches me to let me know he’s there. Gently reminds me to relax and release.

My feet become ice cold. Marika puts my green wool socks on them, the ones I hand-stitched from an old sweater. The warmth and softness comforts me. She applies pressure to my lower back with her hands. She offers to check my dilation to know if it’s time to call the 2nd midwife who will assist her when you come out. I had told her I didn’t want to be checked because I was afraid putting a number to my progress would discourage me. But I just agree to it. I’m at 9.5cm. The pushing stage is very near.

I feel discouraged for a moment that my hypno-anesthesia isn’t working, yet I’m so relieved that everything is happening so fast. I’ll be meeting you so soon, honey. I wonder how on earth women choose to have more than one child. How they knowingly go through this. I mostly have no concept of time. I experience the present moment so fully. I feel propelled forward into the unknown at breakneck speed. I realize the only way out of this is through. I have to embrace it. Give myself over completely.

I start to speak to myself out loud. I repeat my learned hypnosis word-cues over and over. Like a mantra. I don’t care if they work or not, I’m using them. I feel I’m hanging on to them for dear life. “Release… relax… peace… Xquenda… open, open, open… powerful anesthesia in my uterus, in my cervix, in my vagina…” Over and over. Breathlessly. I feel like I’m out at sea all by myself. In the middle of a storm. I hardly have enough time to catch my breath before the next wave knocks me down again. I dig my claws into my stack of pillows. I feel I’m hanging on to the dear ground in the midst of a hurricane. Losing total control.

“You’re doing great, Monica”, Marika tells me. Those words mean SO much to me in this moment. At some point, Marie-Josée, the second midwife, arrives. Your dad tells me he’ll be right back, he’s going to make them all coffee. Coffee? Really?

I suddenly feel hot water gush out of me. I’m so relieved. It must be almost over. The urge to push is descending upon me. I try to push. I don’t exactly know how. Marika tells me to focus all my energy into my pelvis, instead of into the sounds I’m making with my mouth. “Make deeper, lower, grunting sounds even, as if you need to shit something out”. I try her suggestion. I’m amazed at the shift in energy. The power of it. The feeling of your slow descent… She informs me that there’s meconium in my water. That’s not a good thing. She checks your heartbeat with a doppler in between each contraction. It’s strong and stable, but she looks at me in the eyes and tells me I have to get you out sooner than later.

The pressure is ON. Figuratively, literally. So. Much. Pressure. There’s unbelievable pressure in my entire pelvic region. I momentarily feel scared at feeling my body open so much. I know there is no other way. I have to accept it. Run with it. Dive into it entirely. Your head starts to crown. Little by little. It keeps going back in. Over and over like that. An hour of back and forth. Back and forth…

Stockall photo 2Daylight is starting to creep into our room. They can see your dark hair. I’m riding the momentum of each contraction. I’m pushing down and screaming like a savage animal, a lion maybe, until I have no more breath or energy left inside me. Not because I’m in pain but because of the sheer power it gives me. I feel the excited energy in the room with each bit of you that slides out. I notice how it dies down as my own energy dwindles and you slide back in. I’m getting tired. Marika advises me to change positions. I lay down on my side with my leg propped up wide in the air, supported by someone. I try a few pushes in this position. I’ve had it now. I tell myself that with the next wave, you ARE coming out. I push, I push, I push until I feel an incredible burning in my vagina, I push until I can’t anymore and then I continue to push. This is it. Yes yes yes! I hear them say, so I don’t stop, I scream out every single last ounce of me that I possess, and finally… your head is out. I did it. I push some more and the rest of your body slides out in one awkward sensation. It’s 7:11 am on February 22nd. The moment of your birth.

Before I know it, a little grey-blue, slimy and bloody creature is handed over to me… YOU! They hand you to me and I lay you on my belly. I have no idea how to hold you. I can hardly believe it, that you’re really there, looking up at me with your almond-shaped eyes. I look over to your dad who’s lying down beside me and watching you with the same amazement and look of surprise that I have. We both thought this moment would bring tears to our eyes but it doesn’t, we’re both just in complete awe, eyes wide open, speechless. You start crawling towards my breast, searching for my nipple with your mouth. I try to help you but Marika suggests to let you find it on your own. You eventually do, and suck for a moment. Oh, how I’ve imagined this moment countless times! I look at you closely. I’m amazed at your full head of dark hair. The fine duvet on your back. Your tiny ears. Your long fingernails. You have your dad’s beautiful skin color. You’re still attached to me by your umbilical cord. My placenta comes out ten minutes later in a gentle gush. We wait a while before clamping it. Eventually our dad cuts the squishy cord attaching us together.

My emotions are indescribable. Joy. Love. Gratitude. Pride. Relief. Exhaustion. Adrenaline. Peace. Hunger. Vulnerability. Strength. I start to tremble. I feel so weak and lightheaded. I eat a muffin, drink some water. There’s a lot of blood coming out of me. The midwives give us some space to be together. They insist that I pee to help stop the bleeding. After a few tries I finally do. They clean up a bit, then start to stitch up the 2nd degree tear in my perineum. Your father lies on the bed beside me and holds you skin to skin on his chest. You’re quiet and wide awake, observing the world around you. You do your first pee on his belly. He holds my hand at the same time. They use anesthesia but I can feel the needle and thread go in anyway, countless times. I cry and try to be strong. This is the most unpleasant part of my birthing experience. They say it’s like putting a puzzle together. It takes them an hour to do it. God, please let them put this sacred aspect of my femininity back together correctly.

It’s finally over. I crave a shower to clean off the blood and clean clothes to cover my nakedness. I quickly have one and come back to bed and hold you. Your dad snuggles with us too, in between loads of laundry and preparing tuna salad for the midwives and me. Marika comes to weigh and examine you. I watch in amazement as she tests out your responses and reflexes. You weigh 8 pounds and 4 ounces.

I call my mom. She cries tears of happiness, in disbelief that she slept soundly through my labor. She can’t wait to meet you. An hour or two later, she comes over. The moment I see my own mother is when I finally feel the tears well up inside me… There are just no words to describe initiation into mamahood.

Written by Monica Ann Stockall
Montreal, Quebec.

 

21 Days of Pleasure

Tweet

Birth of Marjolein’s Baby Adam

Marjolein Mensink is a Dutch Midwife who shared her background & first birth story with us in previous blogs. Here she shares about the birth of her second son, Adam.

Submitted by Marjolein Mensink

IMG_0798As I am getting closer to my due date I have mixed feelings: I still feel great and enjoy being pregnant so much, but I also can’t wait to meet the little person who’s inside me. Is it a boy or a girl (I think it’s a girl!)? Will he or she look like our son Ben? Also, I am very curious about how my birth will be. Ben’s birth was a great experience, he was born at home as I wished for after just four hours of labor and everything went well.  Having this experience in my mind, I am actually looking forward to having a new birthing experience soon.

Because Ben was born fast I tell my partner Jacco that there’s a chance that he will be the one to catch our baby if our midwife doesn’t make it on time. I don’t know any other man as relaxed as Jacco is, so the idea of catching the baby doesn’t get him of his feet. He jokes: ‘Well you know you can wake me up once the baby’s head is born’. Secretly I like the idea of doing it all by ourselves very much, but being a midwife myself, there is also a voice that tells me that this is something that we couldn’t do. After all, why wouldn’t a midwife want another midwife at her own birth?

My best friend Maartje who is also a midwife is staying near our home the weekend before my due date. Her home is a two hour drive from ours so only if the birth starts this weekend, Maartje can come. It’s a wild guess, but we both think it’s at least worth a try. Because of the distance and the bad weather she couldn’t be there when Ben was born.

Maartje comes by for a drink on Saturday evening. As I go to the kitchen to get her something, she says: ‘I just said to Marvin (her husband): how funny would it be if her water breaks when I am there…’ And you might not believe it, but right after this my water breaks (8.45 PM).

We are totally surprised and can’t stop giggling for a few minutes. This is great! There’s a very good chance our baby will come tonight and Maartje will be there with us. What perfect timing. Jacco’s parents come to pick up Ben for the night, Maartje prepares everything for the homebirth and I take a long shower. I am so ready, let the contractions begin!

That night…nothing happens. I am so disappointed and also surprised. I’m always looking for answers and I just don’t understand why nothing happened. Of course, I know that bodies and births don’t always work the same, but still. The ‘policy’ is to go to the hospital after 24 hours when labor doesn’t start and I start to feel this deadline slowly. We decide to pick up Ben and Maartje goes back to her family. She’ll be closeby until dinnertime, so there’s still a chance that she’ll be there as our midwife.

During the day I try everything: listening to music, taking long showers, massaging acupressure points, looking for distraction (going out for lunch and a walk in the park), but NOTHING works. Obviously I am very frustrated at a certain point. I want a homebirth so bad and hate the idea of having to go to the hospital. Actually, I am also very afraid that the birth will be more painful because of having to be on an IV and fetal monitor. I do always think everything happens for a reason so maybe it is just supposed to go like this. It might even be a useful experience for me as a (hospital)midwife.

In the evening on Sunday we go for a check up (in ‘my’ hospital) and plan to induce labor the next morning. We’ll be spending the night at home luckily. Maartje has obligations the next day and went back home, so unfortunately we won’t share my birth experience together but at least we have a funny story about the ruptured membranes. After another long shower I go to bed where Jacco and Ben are already in a deep sleep. This will be our last night with ‘just’ the three of us! I finally found more peace with the idea of not having another homebirth and try to sleep.

At 11.15 PM I get a really strange feeling, like something ‘breaks’ inside. I also hear a pretty loud ‘click’ which later I found out from my physiotherapist that this sound was the same as a ‘popping’ knee or elbow- there is a vacuüm inside the joint/pubic bone and when the head came down, this probably caused the vacuum to break. At the same time as I heard the click sound, the baby makes a very strong and uncomfortable move. This scares me because I don’t recognize it. My first response is to lie really still and wait. After a little while luckily I feel the baby moving again. Right after this there’s a huge contraction..and soon another and another. Also I almost immediately feel pressure in my pelvis.  It is soon clear that its going fast so I wake Jacco and ask him to call my colleagues and let them know we’re coming. Jacco’s mother will come for Ben so he calls her as well. Just a few contractions later I feel a lot of pressure and the urge to push. My first response is: ‘No way…now already?’ When I feel the same at the next contraction I tell Jacco that we won’t make it to the hospital. He calls to tell that we’ll stay home. Also he calls the midwifery practice, and asks if the midwife can still come to our house.

DSC_3771‘We’ll be fine honey, we can do this together’, I ensure Jacco. He is as calm as he can be and that’s very comforting for me. The urge to push is so strong that the only thing I can do is just let go. Just a few moments later the baby’s head is born. I tell Jacco we’ll wait for the next contraction and that the baby will then be there. At that moment the midwife calls and gives Jacco some instructions for the shoulders to be born. This goes smoothly and when I open my eyes I see Jacco holding up our second son! Another boy, I am so surprised. Also, he looks so different than his older brother. I am overwhelmed, surprised and intensely happy. A homebirth after all! And UC…how’s that for a hospital midwife.

Little Adam Jack was born at 11.49 PM and was doing perfectly straight away. A few minutes after he came the midwife rushed in to find a perfectly healthy baby, an overwhelmed mommy and superproud daddy.

We joked about this scenario in my pregnancy…waking Jacco up after the head was born? Well this was close!  What a special birth, what a beautiful experience! And what an amazing gift to have two sons. I still feel like the luckiest woman on the planet and am so proud of Jacco, Adam, and…myself and my body.

Marjolein will join Debra for the en*theos Academy Conference Fall 2014. Be the first to hear with easy enews sign up right here.

Tweet
  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 7
  • Page 8
  • Page 9
  • Page 10
  • Page 11
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 23
  • Go to Next Page »

Footer

  •  7 Benefits of Taking Debra’s Doula Workshop
  • 10 Doula skills you will Learn at Debra’s DONA Doula Workshop
  • Would you like to join Debra’s Pain to Power With Pleasure and Passion Workshop? Learn more.
  • Attend a Conference where Debra is speaking.

Categories

RSS Debra Pascali-Bonaro Blog RSS

  • My Doula Story
  • Communal Grieving: A Reflection on 9/11 20 Years Later
  • Doula’s Role in creating Birth Equity
  • Graziella’s Kitchen
  • DONA Doula Certification

Sunken Treasure Publishing LLC © 2025 · Key birth photography by Sweet Births © 2014 · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Site Cookies