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Birth of Marjolein’s Baby Ben

Marjolein Mensink is a Dutch Midwife who shared her background with us in a previous blog. Here she shares about the birth of her first son, Ben.

Submitted by Marjolein Mensink

IMG_0469At home? You must be crazy. Isn’t that dangerous? It’s your first right? What if something goes wrong? I’d rather be at a place where I could get immediate help. You are expecting a pretty large baby aren’t you?

This is just a selection of all the comments I get being pregnant with my first baby and wanting a homebirth. The funniest (or maybe actually the saddest) was that of one of the gynecologists I work with, who asked if I also walk around town in my folklore costume, meaning that it is hopelessly old-fashioned to have a homebirth.

But my experiences as a midwife at home as well as in the hospital make me a 100% certain: for me, our home is the best place to be when our baby will come. Not only because I trust that nothing will go wrong, and if something seems to be going wrong I would still be in a hospital soon enough. But also because I’m very afraid that just by being in a hospital in the first place, unnecessary interventions will happen. My wish is to have as least interventions possible. Drawing blood is exiting enough for me, let alone having an IV or other ‘scary’ things. My partner Jacco is totally fine with it, he is as relaxed and carefree as I am, almost a bit ‘naive’ maybe. ‘If you say so, then I guess it’s so.’ How great is that, he puts all his confidence in my concerning the birth of our baby.

Obviously, my growing belly also gets the attention of the pregnant women and their partners I meet at work. I am surprised about how many people ask me if I’m not afraid of giving birth and especially the pain, since I see so many women in labor. My standard answer is that I am totally not afraid, because I always get to witness how strong women are. And it’s true: I’m not afraid of the pain and very curious on how a contraction will feel. To prepare for birth I do relaxation exercises, go to a yoga group for pregnant moms and listen to relaxing music every day.

My best friend Maartje, who is also a midwife, will be there at the birth. We are both very looking forward to sharing this experience, especially since I was at the birth of her beautiful daughter Lena as well. When Lena was born I lived in the East of the Netherlands so was relatively close by Maartjes home. Since I moved to the West to live with Jacco it’s a two hour drive now, but since it’s our fist baby Maartje should be able to be there on time.

My pregnancy goes well and I’m still enjoying every second of it. Also, being over 39 weeks pregnant, I do get very curious about the baby. We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet and I am looking forward to discover this when the baby is born. On the evening of November 20th there is no sign of the baby coming soon. Maartje and I are texting and talking about the weather. There is a thick fog in the whole country, daytime as well as at night. If the baby comes tonight, we’re not sure if it’s safe enough to drive my way. But I think I will be overdue anyway, so this shouldn’t be a problem.

When I experience a cramping sensation that night, I think it’s just my intestines. My alarm clock tells me it’s 01.23 AM, and though I ‘m sleepy I’m smiling at the idea of ‘1,2,3 Go!’. I go back to bed but twenty minutes later I get the same cramp and a while after that another. I decide to go downstairs to not wake up Jacco. Because I can’t sleep anymore I put on a DVD of Glee. Normally I love watching Glee but this time I can’t concentrate. I’m on the bench, off the bench, walking around the room feeling restless. Just after 2 AM I realize that this is it! The contractions started! I’m very excited and start to wonder when the baby will be born? Lunchtime? Maybe around coffee time already? I get in the shower to relax and feel very happy and excited. The contractions are strong but I can breath through them without trouble. At 3 AM I wake Jacco: ‘Honey, I think the baby will come today.’ This gets him awake quickly and he jumps out of bed and asks if there’s anything he can do. He decides to time time the contractions, though I think it’s not necessary yet because I have the idea it’s a bit early since I just started having contractions. ‘They’re only one minute apart,’ he tells me, ‘Should we call Maartje?’  I don’t want to disturb her too early, but since it’s such a long drive maybe it’s wise to call her. We tell her I feel nauseous, have some bloody show and that the contractions just started, but that there are only short pauses between them and that I already feel some pressure down my pelvis. A look outside tells us that the thick fog didn’t miraculously disappear. To our great disappointment we have to decide that it’s too dangerous. Though disappointing, it does feel like the best choice to make. Maartje wishes all the best  and ensures us she’ll be sending all the positive energy in the world. When we hang up Jacco suggests we call the midwifery practice, but I want to wait. I don’t know these midwives very well and also I think we don’t need anyone else around yet. We can still manage this together perfectly. I have a feeling everything is going very quick but there’s also some doubt. Either it’s going very fast or it’s much tougher than I expected. To know which one it is I decide to feel  for myself what’s happening in my body. It’s unmistakable: I feel a tense balloon and only a soft lip in front. This is amazing! I am so happy it’s going so prosperous and am now even more confident about the birth (This is around 4 PM). Jacco prepares a bath and puts on the music I listened to so often. It’s great to be in the bath, though the contractions are getting more and more intense. It helps to make noise (something between bawling and singing). Jacco is a bit impressed by this I guess and tells me to stay calm. I actually do feel calm, but making these sounds just feels good. The advice of my yogateacher that it’s important to stay in contact with the baby comes up in my mind. I tell our baby that everything will be fine and that we are doing great together.

The pressure I almost immediately felt when contractions started is suddenly building up fast. It is so strong that it’s hard to still stay calm. I am considering if we’ll call the midwife. What if we could do this together? The next contraction I’m still in doubt but after another very strong one with the urge to push I’m certain that Jacco should make the call. Now!

At once I need more space and climb out off the bath. I try to do a contraction on all fours, because I think it might be comfortable but I don’t know how fast I should get on my feet again. Sitting on the toilet feels most comfortable, as far as the word comfortable is still in order here. I ask Jacco which midwife is on call. ‘I don’t know, but it was a man.’ There’s only one male midwife in the practice, so I know who’s on the way for our baby. Secretly I’m a bit frustrated that it’s precisely his shift tonight, because I think the word midwife isn’t like this for no reason. But I have no choice but to get over this soon. At this point the main thing on my mind is to get this over  with because I really don’t like these strong contractions anymore. A few minutes after our call to midwife Arie my water breaks. The pressure is very strong now so Jacco calls Arie again to hear if he’s still far away, but luckily he arrives soon after this second call. When he finds me still sitting on the toilet he asks me to get on the bed so he can examine me. I curtly answer that I don’t want this, that I know I am fully dilated and ready to push. It takes a while before I have the courage to get out off the bathroom. My plan was to push on the birthing stool, but when I walk over to the bedroom I suddenly find the idea of lying down better. When I get on the bed Arie announces again that he want to check me. I growl that this is really unnecessary, I KNOW I am more than ready to push. In Jacco’s eyes I see sympathy for Arie, it’s as if he’s telling me to just let the man do his work. Luckily there is no further discussion, because with the next contraction my body can’t do anything but push. Now I am at once afraid. I don’t know if I dare to give in, can I really do this? Jacco assures me that I can and I also try to tell myself. Just open up, let go! It takes a few contractions before I have the confidence to listen to my own advice and when I start to give in I feel that the baby’s head is getting deeper soon. When Arie tells me to stop pushing for a while I am really surprised, does this mean the head is almost born? It does! I have to give a good push for the shoulder to come and then suddenly, at 05.45 AM, the baby slides out.

Wow. Did I do it? I did it! The baby is here. I am a mom. A mom!

I love feeling this little warm and wet baby on my breast and spend minutes laughing and crying of happiness. My hands slide down to search for the answer on one of the biggest questions and find it soon: a boy! Our wonderful son. Our beautiful Ben Willem!

Marjolein will join Debra for the en*theos Academy Conference Fall 2014. Easy enews sign up right here so you can be the first to read about Marjolein next birth.

Introducing Dutch Midwife, Marjolein Mensink

Submitted by Marjolein Mensink

IMG_7862-Edit2Being a midwife was my childhood dream. Although I obviously didn’t really know what it meant when I was little, I was very certain about it. Sometimes I also thought shortly about being a hairdresser, flight attendant or even a veterinarian, but all these professions could never win over midwifery. When I was only seventeen years young, I got the chance to start my midwifery education. The Dutch education takes four years and in 2005 I graduated and felt really ready to go for it. Looking back, I think technically I was ready, but the comparison that a lot of people make with driving a car couldn’t be more true: you learn by doing and experiencing. The first few years I worked in independent midwifery practices, or as we call it in the Netherlands, the primary care practices. In 2008 I switched to the hospital. This was actually a coincidence, since  I was asked to replace a sick colleague. Working in a medical setting never attracted me, but I thought it was worth a try. It turns out  I loved it! It’s so nice to be part of a team instead of working alone most of the time. Also my idea that working in the hospital would mean having only superficial contact with the expectant mothers turned out to be totally wrong. A hospital birth often implies more interventions and sometimes that’s hard. But I am convinced that it’s more mother- and babyfriendly if these interventions are performed by someone who still trusts the natural process and works with her heart rather than someone who fully sets his hope on medication or advanced technical tools. Another great advantage of working in the hospital is that you can move on with the client in her process, even when something isn’t defined as physiological anymore, where as a primary caregiver you have to transfer.

Over the past eight years I have learned so much. My midwifery skills grew, along with my midwifery heart. I realize now that doing ‘nothing’ is often as effective or even better than wanting to do something, even though doing nothing is hard since I work in a hospital now. I think the quality and great advantage of being a hospital midwife is to guard the natural process in a medicalized environment. Some interventions are necessary, but it’s important to not intervene too much. This can be challenging, not only because other professionals expect the use of protocols and medical tools, but also I notice that pregnant women and their partners are changing over time and becoming more expectantly and reliant of us as caregivers. I do my best to reinforce the women I meet and try to convince them to trust their bodies and babies. The Netherlands is well known for our obstetric care system, but unfortunately the system has been changing rapidly over the past decade. Numbers of interventions are growing, especially those for inductions and cesarean sections. Also the use of pain medication during birth is exploding. There is a counter-movement going on luckily and the group that does want to go back to more natural births is getting a stronger voice. But as always, there are a lot of politics and money involved, so it is very hard to get this voice heard. The media choose an unfortunate way of framing that scares the big mass. The messages a layman gets through the newspapers, magazines, internet and television are: ‘Home birth is dangerous’, ‘Too many babies die (because of our system)’ and ‘Being pregnant or giving birth is risky.’

Besides my main job as a midwife I studied journalism and am now writing for several media that are mainly directed on pregnancy and childbirth. Writing to me is an amazing way to explore midwifery in a new and different way. Also, being a journalist helps me get a clearer view of what is happening in the media with the earlier mentioned framing. Sadly, seeing it is one thing, changing it is a whole other thingIn November  2011 another childhood dream came true. I gave birth to my beautiful, sweet and wise son Ben. Ben taught me things about myself that I didn’t see and know before. That it’s okay to be vulnerable, to admit that motherhood can be tough sometimes and also that it’s okay to therefore accept help from friends and family. Ben further opened my heart and being his mother makes me so proud. Seeing my partner Jacco as a father is amazing and heart filling. Last October another little man entered our lives, our second son Adam was born. All the clichés are true: there is enough space in your heart for another child as well.

Having experienced two births myself made me realize even more than before that trust and confidence are so important in childbirth. I honestly think that entering the birthing process with a relaxed body and mind and without fear might be 50% of the whole ‘job’. I wish for all other women to be able to gain this trust, confidence and relaxation when they are pregnant. Not only for themselves, but especially for their babies.

Be the first to hear when we have published Marjolein’s first birth by signing-up for Debra’s weekly enews.

 

Marjolein, Jacco, Ben-94Marjolein will join Debra for the en*theos Academy Conference Fall 2014. Easy enews sign up right here so you can be the first to read about the birth of Marjolein’s first baby.

Baby Bumps, Thought Bumps & Holding Our Very First Newborn

Submitted by Laura Vladimirova

Some awakenings happen in the midst of serious conflict, when ideas crash up against the walls of your mind. Sometimes they happen in the least expected of moments, like when a thought sort of just bumps around. It can stew there for some time and eventually set off a cascade of new ideas that transform our whole philosophies. My most recent realization, or thought bump, happened at an art opening in downtown Manhattan, and it’s changed my thinking about womanhood ever since.

I had just come from the final day of my doula training with Debra Pascali Bonaro at Birth Day Presence. I was filled with inspiration about caretakers, babies and birth. The art gallery was getting crowded, friends were walking in and drinks were everywhere. The vibe was warm, though I admit, I was only somewhat present at the event — my mind was truly elsewhere.

Cut to twenty minutes later and in walks a stunningly glowing woman with a chunky baby in her arms and her bearded partner in tow. Baby was totally cool as a cucumber, even when he was passed around from friend to cooing friend. He was happily entertained by the colors of the art, lights and laughter surrounding him. When he reached my arms, holding the sweet 5-month-old was a treat after having spent days talking about happy, healthy moms and babies. When mom came to check on her son, I asked if this was her first. She proudly nodded yes. She also mentioned that this was the first baby she had ever held.

That’s the moment when my thoughts bumped.

I wondered how old I was when I held my first newborn. I recalled I was in my late 20s, after a  dear friend had given birth to her first son. I was graciously invited to the hospital to meet him, and as soon as I got there, she put him in my arms. I remember that he felt heavier than I’d expected a newborn to feel and that was surprising to me at the time.

After I left the gallery, I questioned how common it was for women in our society to have only held a few, or even no newborns before they had their own children. In societies where caretakers live closer together and depend more on each other, babies are passed around like the baby at the gallery. Young women (and men) become accustomed to being babysitters. They learn how to change a baby, entertain a baby, and provide support for mom early on.

I asked myself if experience like this was something that was missing from our modern world. For example, does not spending time with nursing mothers and not getting peed on when changing a baby (until we have our own) affect us psychologically or emotionally?

I began to ask around. I asked friends with kids, I asked friends without kids and I asked older women about their first time seeing, holding and interacting with a newborn.

So many women responded in the same way that I had. If they had older siblings or cousins, they had babies to play with. But many women did not hold a newborn until their late 20s or older. And mostly, it was their firstborn child.

I felt like I had missed out on opportunities as a young girl to better understand what it means to be a mama and create a bond with the miracles that surround pregnancy. All of the women I had interviewed had felt this way too. One woman said that not having had any experience with babies gave her parenting anxiety when she found out she was pregnant. Later, after she delivered a healthy baby girl, she felt relieved when she began to trust her instincts as a new mother.

Am I suggesting we as women just go up to strangers in the street and ask them to hold their babies? Well, that probably wouldn’t fly in NYC. Yet, there may be things we can do. Perhaps, if we open up our circle of sisters, we can consider this a a slow, but helpful thought bump for ourselves and any young women around us, like a neighbor or distant family member. We can help plant seeds of experience and confidence, seeds that say ‘holding a baby is a beautiful, empowering moment.’

Get the latest updates about workshops & schedules in Debra’s weekly enews.

Laura holding Jakob.
Laura holding Jakob.

Laura Vladimirova is a DONA-trained doula currently working towards becoming a certified nurse midwife. She aims to provide emotional, physical and spiritual support during pregnancy, labor, delivery and postpartum. She’s passionate about her role as a member of the birthing team and focuses on giving families space to make empowered choices, be it clinical or holistic. In between helping families achieve powerful and fulfilling birth experiences, she’s a maternity photographer and communications specialist living in Brooklyn, NY. She can be reached at NaturalBirthBebe@gmail.com.

Who Caught Your Baby? The Birth Story of BelleSky

Submitted by Juliet Sr. Antelmi

We were given the due date for BelleSky of April 13.  She was born April 14, 7.11 lbs. 21 inches@ 9:56 pm.  She was our third child. My other two- seven years old girl and four years old boy were delivered by a different doctor at another hospital.  We wanted less stress for this pregnancy, I wished to do things more or less according to my comfort level.  The medical practice we looked at consisted of two females- a younger obgyn with less then five years experiences and a more senior obgyn with over twenty five years experience.  I choose this practice because the senior MD, who is the head of the practice, encourages her clients to birth naturally (if they wish).  I was hoping she would be the one to deliver my daughter because she respected and encouraged my desire for natural birth without medication, to nurse on demand, and to room-in with my baby.  A week before my daughter’s due date the senior MD told me that she would be going out of town for her mother’s 87th birthday.  This was the beginning of my anxiety as the younger obygyn was more “wait and see” and I immediately felt uncomfortable with her nonchalant attitude.

Screen Shot 2014-03-31 at 12.28.14 PMOn the morning of the 14th I felt more pressure then usual on my sciatic nerve.  I called the younger OBGYN who recommended that I should check in.  My husband was with me, just like he was at my other births.  After waiting 4 hours for her to arrive at the hospital I was 3 cm dilated.  She performed an artificial rupture of membranes around 3 pm.  At this time I was feeling pressure to produce a quick birth as I did before with my two older ones.  I was grateful for the presence of my husband and a older nurse who had three grown children of her own.  This nurse understood my desire for a natural birth, without medication.  I knew I wanted to be consciously aware of everything and everyone when possible, to help and allow myself to let go and become vulnerable and make my birth as easy as possible. Because it was the hospital’s procedure to have all the mothers hooked up to an IV and an electronic-fetal monitor, my movement was limited, which was frustrating to say the least!  I took a shower an hour or so after my water was broken.  It was good to have just my husband with me. After the shower we talked about any-and-everything, almost like I wasn’t expecting a baby. I felt no uncomfortable pain, so every time the nurse would come in to check my progress to report to my doctor, I started to wonder why my daughter was taking so long to be born.

At 7pm the nurse shift changed.  My Doctor came in to check me and I was 5cm dilated, she wasn’t pleased with my progress.  She left to go home to have her dinner, she lives fifteen minutes away.  Before she left, she said it was ok for me to get up and walk around.  I was thrilled!  She left and I went back into the shower where I did yoga squatting movements and allowed my body to let go.  I was starting to feel pain and have stronger contractions.  The younger nurse that took over was worried when I told her I was going to take a shower.  I stayed in the shower until I knew the contractions were less then ten minutes apart. I went back onto the bed and proceeded to do more yoga poses.  The most comfortable one was the semi-child pose with the blanket over my head (this allowed me to continue working with my mental self).  When I started to feel the baby descending I asked my husband to call the nurse.  I was now fully dilated, but my doctor was nowhere to be found.  The head of the department, a male obgyn, was immediately summoned.  That doctor was so gentle as he encouraged and guided me to birth my baby.  My baby arrived within a few minutes at 9:56 pm with one hand by her head!  I was very happy and so was my husband that this doctor was the one to catch my baby.  I took my baby and started to nurse she latches on without any problem.

 

Antelmi Bed NursingWe thank Juliet for sharing the story of her birth as well as photos of nursing her baby at the hospital and at home. Juliet is presently a Doula in Training (DONA) in the New York metro-area and trained in Debra’s childbirth class and doula workshop in the summer of 2013.  The baby in the photos accompanied Juliet at both classes.  Juliet is also a Reiki Practitioner & Yoga Instructor (gentle yoga). You can email Juliet at reiki1122 AT gmail DOT com.

How did you (or would you) feel if your doctor was not able to make your birth and the attending doctor at the hospital caught your baby?

Ceremony Shows Way to Ward Off Birth Fears

Salamat Hari Raya Nyepi, 2014

I am writing on the eve of Nyepi, the Balinese Hindu New Year, after a enjoying a day of silent reflection; the whole island of Bali is dark, no lights, no traffic, no planes and no sound.  The sky is sparkling with stars, often not seen, due to all our lights.  It is so peaceful.  I have the feeling that comes over me at a birth- the world stops and nothing else matters, the sacredness of new life, the connection to the divine in each of us can be felt.  I feel a deep sacred connection to nature.

photo 1Last night, like labor, the feeling was completely different and much more intense.  Over the last few weeks, each village made several large Ogoh-Ogoh statues made of papier-mache symbolizing negative elements and evil spirits.  The main purpose of the making of Ogoh-ogoh is for the purification of the natural environment of any spiritual pollutants.  The Ogoh-ogoh represents the Bhuta-Kala (Bhuta: eternal energy, Kala: eternal time), according to Hindu teachings. The imperceptible potentials of nature cannot be thoroughly explored by anyone. Philosophically, civilized men are required to manage the natural resources without damaging the environment itself.  What a wonderful thought to apply to birth, to honor and trust nature and not to damage it by overuse of technology.

As the sunset, groups of boys, teenagers, young and older men carried the Ogoh-ogoh on their shoulders.  A large and loud procession accompanied by tradition Gamelan music played as the entire village came out to join the procession and walk the village to ward off the evil spirit.  Several of the Eat Pray Doulas and their families joined in.  During the procession, the Ogoh-ogoh is rotated counter-clockwise three times. This is done at every crossroad of the village.  Rotating the Ogophoto 2h-Ogoh represents the contact of the bodies with the spirits.  It is intended to bewilder the evil spirits so that they go away and cease harming human beings.  After all the activity the island goes silent.  Like labor, lots of work and intensity and then the peaceful moment of holding your newborn in your arms, resting after all your hard work.  Just like birth it is important to ask – How do you ward of your fears and demons?  I love the Ogoh- Ogoh’s and all it symbolizes.  It gives us a chance to voice our fears and demons and to have a way to both symbolically and today in meditation and prayer to release and chase them away.  Wouldn’t it be fun to make our own dolls/puppets or item that could hold all our fears and negative things we have heard about childbirth?  To find our own way to release them, or as they do here to burn them and take a day to sit in silence and reflect as tomorrow begin the Balinese New Year, with new beginnings.  I am humbled to have shared in these sacred ceremonies and to look at ways we can reclaim our sacred rituals in childbirth too.

As I look at the sky sparkling tonight, I think of each of you around the world.  I hope you too can look at the stars tonight and feel the peace we feel in Bali on this sacred eve.  May the stars fill your heart with love and help you release your fears and demons.

How will you release your fears in childbirth? Please share your stories and ideas so we can reclaim sacred traditions and create new rituals in childbirth.

Join me at Eat Pray Doula

Fall 2014 or Spring 2015

Laughter in Labor Invites Pleasurable Birth

DSCN4836I am writing as I listen to great laughter emanating from the Balinese who have gathered for the afternoon Laughing Yoga in the village of Nyuh Kuning.  Just hearing the laughter from my room I am smiling and can feel the change in my body.  What makes you smile inside and out?  What can you do to bring that feeling to you in labor and childbirth?  To laugh, releases our stress.  It’s hard to stay in the fear-tension-pain-cycle that so many women get stuck in during labor, when you smile and use laughter in labor.  It feels so nice hear the laughter.  I am drawn to go see them.  I join the crowd gathering as everyone smiles and laughs, it is contagious and feels so good!  I can feel the beta-endorphins, the hormones of pleasure flowing.
The effects of laughter are amazing including a reduction in blood pressure and significant drop in cortisol levels equating to a stress-free experience.  When we laugh, more oxygen ends up in the tissues of the body.  Laughter also encourages the body to produce oxytocin, the same hormones released during labor which relaxes the cervix.  Laughter has also been shown to reduce pain by blocking the message to the brain that pain is occurring. – Guardian Liberty Voice

What does it feel like when you change your hormones?  We all know that feeling when we are scared or stressed.  You can feel the change in your body as our stress hormones flow and tension takes hold of your body.  Check-in with how you are feeling at this moment….  Now watch this laughing baby:

How do you feel now?  Within 90 seconds you can begin to understand how there are many simple and subtle ways we can change our hormonal flow and transform pain to power and pleasure in birth.

DSCN5054Recently I spent the day at the Water Temples in Bali with our Eat Pray Doulas.  Water is the element of emotion.  We could feel our emotions flowing with each sacred blessing, water flowing from deep within the earth poured on us.  Each fountain blessing us with it’s element as we held our intention, the water cleansing us and touching us in so many emotional ways. The cool water on our hot skin, we held reverence as we each connected to the divine energy within us in our unique ways.  Peace poured over us and again we changed our physiology and released our stress hormones, moving to calm, connection and the hormone of love- oxytocin was released with prayer and meditation.

PoolAs I lay by the pool, savoring the memories of our special week together, we talked about Orgasmic Birth.  The feelings of surrender, peace, joy and love that we have felt are exactly what is needed to bring us pleasure in birth too.  Take time to feel your body, understand what brings you comfort, calm, love and pleasure and find simple ways to bring this to birth is the beginning of transforming pain to power in childbirth and beyond.

Please share in our comments what tips, techniques, or tools have you used, or will you use, to move from pain to pleasure, to transform you hormones from stress, tension, pain to calm connection, love and pleasure?

Learn how you can join us at Eat Pray Doula this Fall 2014 or Spring 2015!

An Eat Pray Doula Lesson in (Re)Establishing Love

My journey to Bali began almost 30 years ago when Robin and I began our connection as passionate, young, postpartum doulas. Like many friends who hold a place in our heart, yet our lives take us in different direction, we went years without seeing each other, although I always followed Robin’s amazing work in Bali and felt our connection.

Slide1Robin and I both shared a special friendship with amazing midwife, Mary Kroeger. Mary kindled our connections and taught us each so much. Mary taught us both to be a birth warrior with love not anger as anger closes people’s hearts and if we want to transform birth we must open all our hearts. Mary’s transformational book Impact of Birthing Practices on Breastfeeding, with Linda Smith, was the first book that helped us understand- if we want to fix breastfeeding we must fix birth! Mary’s vision of creating an international version of the Mother-Friendly Childbirth Initiative began the International MotherBaby Childbirth Initiative where human rights, quality care for MotherBaby and love, bring the care of the Mother along with the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative for breastfeeding together. We continue the IMBCI in Mary’s memory, vision and wisdom as while she is no longer with us, she is always in our hearts

When Mary was passing she knew I loved her purple sarong. She gave it to me and shared that Ibu Robin had giving it to her. She asked me to do 2 things, 1) to chair and continue the IMBCI, and 2) to go to Bali to bring the sarong back to where it came from and reconnect with Robin. What an honor to have two such amazing tasks to do to fulfill her wishes. I have done both.

All 3 of usComing to Bali the first time 4 years ago, I was not prepared for how much my re-connection with Robin would awaken a deep part of my passion and soul and take me to a place where I now call Bali my home away from home. Together we vision Eat Pray Doula as a way to share the magic of Bali and the wisdom of the birthkeepers with women from around the world. With a vision this big we knew we needed a third partner to birth our dreams. Another midwife Katherine Bramhall. Katherine had trained as a doula with me many years ago; she went on to become a midwife, connected with Robin and is now Chair of the Bumi Sehat Birth Center. The circle felt perfect, Mary working her magic in bringing us together so we can bring others together.

Today as I listen to Katherine teaching that time will heal, I look around our circle into the eyes of our amazing doulas from around the world. I feel the connections that keep growing knowing that reconnecting the circle of women, is the beginning of healing birth, healing women to birth their dreams and visions for their children, families, friends and planet.

On this day, Katherine teaches about breastfeeding after a challenging birth, step #1) “re-establish love.” Love will get the hormones flowing and re-empower the mother regardless of her circumstances. In the Philippines, Indonesia, Haiti and in any areas where there has been natural disaster, we want to protect the sacred time after birth for MotherBaby and must help re-establish love. This special quiet skin-to-skin time is essential in any situation. Dim the lights, create a sense of privacy and intimacy so the MotherBaby breast crawl will happen in it’s own time.

I listen to today’s Eat Pray Doula discussion and think again of Mary, how proud she would be that her knowledge and wisdom is being passed on.  She has connected a circle that grows and grows.

photo

Eat Pray Doula Will you join us at the next EPD Workshop? Are you being called to join the circle of women around the world? We are women, mothers, teachers, acupuncturist, yoga teachers, educators, doulas, midwives, lactation consultants, nurses, grandmothers, sisters, and more. We invite you to join us to birth your dreams in Bali. 

Wake up, woman! Follow Your Pleasure

Submitted by Marcy Sauter

Have you ever been moved to tears while watching someone do exactly what they were put on this planet to do? I have, and I think it’s one of the most beautiful scenes to behold. Perhaps it’s a musician that plays beautiful music, or a gardener that has a gift to keep a bounty of fruits and vegetables growing, the ballet dancer that pliés his way across the stage, the cook that pours her heart and soul into the fresh cookies she bakes and the jam she lovingly makes for her friends, the attorney that fights for justice with passion, the mama that raises her children with love and kindness, the math teacher that shares his knowledge through carefully designed lessons, or the surgeon that gives hope to the dying, or the midwife that lovingly catches babies.

I often wonder what gift or talent we’re missing out on because someone is not heeding the call of their desire. It makes me sad to think that I haven’t heard the song that’s hiding beneath that seed of doubt within someone’s heart. It’s heartbreaking that a poem wasn’t shared with others due to a fear of sounding imperfect, and tragic to think of the athlete who won’t train because they were told they wouldn’t achieve success by pursuing the potential that their body held.

How different would our world be if each and every person did what they were created to do? How would your life be if you didn’t live within the expectations of culture, gender, family, tradition, or worse, self-doubt? If you shed every label that was placed upon you, what would you be capable of? How would you be living your life differently than you are now?

Our society is really good at labeling us from birth.

Good baby, bad baby
Good sleeper, bad sleeper
Big baby, little baby
Happy baby, fussy baby, and the list goes on.

Beyond infancy, these labels continue to weigh us down, and sometimes they define us. They threaten to convert us into what we aren’t meant to be.

When I was a kid, well-meaning people told me things that made me ashamed to be the way I was, making me feel like a weirdo. As I shed the labels that were put upon me, the passion for life began to burn in me again. The realization that I am different is now comforting. There is no one on this planet who is just like I am! How cool is that? There’s no one just like you, either.

We are amazing!

The women with whom I work, and my new understanding of this concept of living, have inspired me to write this poem. My hope is that you’ll start shedding the layer of labels which prevent you from doing what you were meant to do in this life. The world waits for you to wake up and share your gift.

Wake up, woman! Have you gone to sleep?

Have you lost yourself in culture? Are you in deep?

Have you been put upon a shelf?

And lost your soul, your voice, yourself?

It’s time! The time is now!

You may think twice, you don’t know how!

You’ve been reduced to few roles

Your heart, your mind, it’s taken its toll

So now it’s time, you must not sleep

Your life awaits, don’t live as sheep

There’s so much more that’s in that box

The key is there, unlock the lock

Wake up, woman! Don’t you forget

Don’t slumber on, or you’ll regret

Waste not the days, or months, or years

Lest you grow old, and drown in tears

Awaken!

 

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Marcy Stevens Sauter is an IBCLC and PCD (DONA) with her company Rest Assured Postpartum Doula Care serving greater Orange County, CA and Los Angeles County, CA.

 

Edited by M.L.

 

 

 

 

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